Animal Crackers

A personal report to Julian from his daughter, Constance

Whereupon Constance scrys, has a poetry reading in a bordello, attends the unveiling of a painting during which the family start to unravel about her, shows that she is more than just a pretty face and sees an unexpectedly tigerish cousin.

My dear Warden

After so many years, your disapproval and the coldness it radiates still has the ability to wound. We so need to speak in private. Soon.

I woke from yet another dream of Amber. I know, intrinsically, that it is the real Amber but there are things that are wrong and this troubles me. Where is Kolvir? There is a fortress in the middle of the river and a white church that gleams a brilliant white away in the northern suburbs with 3 minarets standing proud on its roof. A massive silver object (Darig later informs me that it is an airship) moves towards a tall, girded mass of iron that points from the ground up into the sky. This is, Darig also tells me, where this airship will moor. All I know is that the entire scene fills me with foreboding. Just how much has Amber changed? I must speak to someone about this, someone skilled in dream interpretation or with a very intuitive mind and preferably both. But given the later events of the day I am at a loss as to whom in our family to approach.

I awoke, dressed and dined with Ariel and there is real food in this house. Our post meal expedition is to a nearby chamber where Ariel will fulfil Mandor’s lost wager and so I could have access to you my Lord Warden. Not, so it turns out, in person, but by means of a scrying pool. Ariel first poured out oil across the surface of the brass font and then a second and soon it seemed that flames appeared between the two layers. He instructed me to lean over the font - but never to touch the surface and to bring you strongly to mind. I focussed my thoughts, felt forces working; the flames cleared and then I could see you – a one way affair but at least I could see you.

You were in conversation with a lich. As hideous as the one I saw at the Council Chamber meeting but not, I thought, the same one. I could not hear you and asked Ariel how this might be achieved. He smiled saying that it was dangerous, that our scrying might be detected but I took that risk and loaned him your Trump as his focus and gave one drop of my blood to the font as the link that binds us.

Partial conversations are the most dangerous to overhear. Betrayal of a brother (Corwin or Bleys, I wondered) in return for our safe release. Is this stringing along of a Lich, or your plan B in operation? Or a cold and calculated retaliation for a past grievance? The Lich detected we listeners and Ariel dropped his Sorcery very quickly. A listener rarely hears good - seems apposite now. I asked if my mother might be viewed in a similar way. I have nothing but her blood and a woven cloak that I believe relates to her and with no knowledge of it’s exact provenance and a large doubt that she is anywhere here Ariel assured me that it would not be possible. We closed our session.

My expressed intent to visit Lord Torc at House Unman, was met with not a little alarm. House Unman residence is the House of Farthingale. A place of seduction I was informed with some horror. I have seen a brothel before. My concern is my ability to resist grooming and I informed Ariel that I was requested there to assist the Ambassador from Faerie with some poetry and that I could make my excuses to leave early as Ariel had given me an invitation to attend the unveiling if a work of art. The choice of escort for the art unveiling concerned me. I really didn’t know whom to invite and I asked Ariel for an opinion. Ought I to consult Mandor or Prince Caine? Ariel was aghast at the suggestion of Mandor - particularly as I insisted that he had shown me a recent kindness. Ariel was even more taken aback and reminded me that the currency of favours is as strong in the Courts as it is in Amber. I fear I play the part of innocent too well.

I left with Podaga to seek Prince Caine. Podaga has taken on a more humanoid aspect - less slimy and walking on two feet now. We took the curious routes that I cannot begin to comprehend which led us down a hole in the ground before reaching our destination.

I knocked at the entrance in front of us and an alien eye regarded us balefully from a security hole. I announced myself and asked to be taken to Prince Caine. The eye grunted, withdrawing from the door and we waited some little time, during which I suspect it made itself a little more human looking. The mouth remained - just wrong - as was the lack of a nose and the tentacles that passed for its hair. Podaga remained in a room near the entrance and I was led down the Hive’s internal paths. They disorientate me. The walls appeared to be made of some sort of an excretion and I could detect a smell that reminded me of an ant nest - everywhere about me. I was admitted to Prince Caine’s chamber just as he was finishing some cartomancy. As he swept up the reading I noticed that the pivot card was Deirdre reversed.

He castigated me for insulting my former hosts and castigated me again for our collective lack of diplomacy with Mandor and instructed me that we are to string him along and not be so blunt with our replies. When he’d completed his dressing down I ask him for his advice as to an escort for tonight - who would best meet our immediate diplomatic needs. He looked peeved again and suggested I shouldn’t be looking further then my new hosts - which he informed me are one of the three most important Minor Houses. I thanked him for this piece of information.

He then casually asked me where Deidre's whelp was housed. I told him that the Lady Sorashi was with House Minobee. Charming, charming man. No wonder Prince Bleys wins in the charm stakes.

Caine ordered me about my business, telling me as I left to send Dirk in. Dirk was indeed waiting outside and I waited outside for the arrival of a demon to escort me back to Podaga. Dirk exited his Father’s chambers followed by another shouted order from his father and he immediately accused me of hanging about to listen. This injustice on top of his father’s sharpness riled me a little and I suggested that he oughtn't to judge me by his own standards as I had no way of finding my way out without an escort and there didn’t seem to be one to hand. He shouted and a demon appeared immediately.

On return to Stormguard I asked Ariel if he would honour me by accompanying me to the art unveiling. To my deep embarrassment he apologetically declined my offer and explained that due to the complications of house politics the Arch Mage Prospero would also be unable to accept my offer. Instead the offer would, in effect, be put out to tender among the whole household and I would meet my escort shortly before my departure to the event. So I set off for House Unman and an introduction to the poetry of Alvis, Lord Torc.

The diverse route took us to a dim narrow alley. Above us on a hill I could see a gibbet with something hanging from its arm. Podaga stopped outside a doorway. This was, so it's signage proudly proclaimed, House Farthingale and it looked for all the World to me like a brothel, not unlike the ones frequented by the rangers and doubtless like all the other establishments of its type across shadow.

I announced myself and asked to be taken to Lord Torc. The doorman claimed that he was unavailable but Devorgilla appeared saying that I was expected. She was very comfortable in the little she wore and seemed to enjoy the attention as she escorted me across to stairs. There was I, in my standard uniform feeling so dowdy in her company. I noticed she had fine pointed ears and wondered if they were real or acquired in honour of their guest. I trust that he appreciates them. I also observed that there were more than two genders in this place and through the avalanche of sounds, sights and smells that hit me, I gained an impression that it was no place of procreation but rather one of pleasure and power and probably pain. This was a place of seduction - yes but more than just the body. It was the seduction of my loyalties that I must be wary of. As I followed Devorgilla up the stairs, I felt like an insect that approaches the spider’s web. Unlike an insect I knew to be wary. We passed a professional looking guard slouched patiently outside Lord Torc's chambers and swallowing my apprehension of a private meeting with Lord Torc, and reminding myself that I sought a version of the truth, I none the less entered the web.

We greeted each other and of course I mentally acknowledged a residual kinship with the Fey. His poise and grace continued to shine and attract. Just like a spider. He expressed regret that I had not been to see him sooner and reaffirmed that he valued my opinion and help. I replied over some very nice wine that I was constantly required for duty and added that regretfully, I only had a little time now, as I was expected at a further engagement.

We discussed poetry, specifically his incomplete poetry. I read it and commented that sadly, some of the lines lacked elegance. I have agreed to assist him with his small work and I hope you, Warden might be able to give me an alternative version of events or at least suggest some missing names and motives. Is Torc just muddying the waters, Lord Warden? I think I shall think of him as our Plan B.

My mother was in Faerie at the time he left (whenever that was) but he gave me no name to refer to. The reference to a Black and Silver dalliance would suggest that Prince Corwin (the known womaniser) was involved in some way and I worry that there lies the centre of your known dislike for Prince Corwin…or maybe not. My contribution to the verse will wait.

Lord Torc asked me to inquire of Lady Sorashi what she desires for her trinket won in the wager and I agreed to do so and he then invited me to stay for the Revels. Momentarily, I will admit that my heart was truly torn but I made my apologies and left - though it is in my mind to return for the Revels after the conclusion of the painting unveiling. I miss the dance and we must gain friends for our cause.

I returned to House Pheon. Ariel told me that my escort was to be Caliban. When I met him he seemed darkish and neither bright nor graceful - but he did seem strong. Very strong. He gazed at me like a child would gaze at something much longed for. A rabbit or a soft toy. He touched my hair once with wonder and during the evening I found myself weaving a dance ever so slightly as I kept sufficient distance between my body and his hand. Like you Warden, I appear to be of little value.

We arrived at the exhibition area just as the demons were clearing up after an attack on Havelock and his escort (an artist from House Cyril). One of two paintings had been stolen which seemed an odd sort of a thing to do. But things rarely happen here without reason. Representatives of House Zigo, on their arrival were understandably upset. The stolen painting was of the Battle on the Abyssal Plain and was in tribute to the victory of the House of Amber.

The hierarchy of guests filtered in. Caliban and I wandered through the paintings and sculptures wondering at their composition and meaning. You arrived with Artemis and, oh Warden, how pleased you weren’t to see me. So to paraphrase Lord Torc’s words, what have you discovered about my actions that you really shouldn’t have oughta? Let me hazard a guess. You know that I scryed upon you? Prince Caine expressed his anger to you over my leaving Spectral or that I was seen entering House Unman? So much to choose from Warden.

I spoke passingly to Artemis and now I am the girl who was mind-raped as well as the girl that brought up Pattern. As I left I requested a private conversation with you and you gave me a quizzical look in return. It is time for a father and daughter conversation Lord Warden. Give me the means to counter Faerie meddling.

Kronprinz Hector of Zigo spoke with us. I am interested in this Chaos Lord. He is the second of their House and has travelled so far and widely (and I so very little, Warden). He is officially exiled from the Courts because he dared to speak against the War with Amber. Zigo did not take the field and as a consequence are now the single biggest Rimlord house. Basically, if we amend the stipulation that Chaos may not move beyond Ygg then they may back our cause. There seems to be significant room for negotiation there then.

He gave us several warnings - that we ought to have left the Courts yesterday, pointing out that when our novelty wears off we will be left there and trapped in small bubbles for eternity as that is the only way we could physically survive there. The Courts are merely reflecting our presence. Remember how Cymnea is but a memory now in Amber for if we do not leave soon that’s what we shall become.

I had a series of small, almost catch-up conversations with my cousins. I warned Darig and William that Caine was insistent that we string Mandor along and do not refuse him outright. They told me of an earlier attack on Sorashi when she and her escort demon were attacked. Wendy, her escort demon was destroyed and Sorashi saved by Dirk’s intervention. Dirk had told her that she kept appearing in his father’s card spreads and I realised that when he led me through the Hive he was en route to Sorashi. Sorashi will apparently need to move houses as Minobee can no longer accommodate her. I talked of my dream with them but, alas, neither has sufficient empathy to understand or the training to interpret.

I spoke briefly with Sorashi and she warned me about travelling with more than just an escort demon! In reply to Lord Torc’s question she would like earrings - of his choice. I was then in long conversation with Cousin Margrath. He told me of his real dream of combat between the Unicorn and a very large spider. Margrath is a Shaman and sorcerer and his ways are very different from my minor magics. His totem is a spider and the dream would suggest that his previous beliefs are being challenged by the Unicorn. He venerates our Lady as a God, I think, but I do not know if he worships her as I have been raised to do. He suggested that we could visit House Raven. A Shamanic House but as his seems more of a personal conflict of choice whereas I know that the repeated dream of Amber is a warning to us all. We debated taking our dreams to the elders but in truth I am not sure to whom I would speak.

As we spoke we both became aware that Prince Bleys had become transparent against a background statute. Quickly, but quietly we checked others. Darig, Havelock and Delwin were also showing signs of fading. Margrath’s companion the Lady Isis was also aware of this worrying change.  We cousins then discussed the matter.

Margrath now recalled Delwin's wing being overrun from his vantage behind the Corallaine troops and he saw both Bleys and Havelock go down in a sudden and unaccountable flank attack with Orca mounted fish headed demon cavalry, as well as the failure of Darig's last ditch attempt to stop our collapse, his death and Benedict's capitulation.

Havelock brought up his last dream which had ended at the point where a particularly large fish headed demon ripped out the throat of his horse. Having skill in Trump, he speculated that the stolen painting [a trump?] was being used to write an alternate version of events. Thus those dead on the field were becoming ghosts and as we looked closely we realised that family members who should not be here were beginning to materialise here as ghosts - where one might expect to find them should the alternate version had taken place.

We moved quickly to inform Prince Bleys of his condition and our concerns and he was quite unaware of his increasing lack of state. They all were – seemingly oblivious to it. Caine eventually said he too could see things out of the corner of his eye. Margrath, his companion Lady Isis and I observed the shade of Princess Deidre in circulation amongst the party as well as Princess Fiona and King Random and we noticed with alarm the glow of a large red gem together with the likely form of Prince Brand. It seems that we ADCs do have our uses after all.

Margrath and I both started to get sharp pains in our heads and it seemed we were working with a twin track of memories, one that we had experienced and the other that was being imposed upon us. The latter almost like a splinter in our heads that we could not quite grasp - like trying to remember a dream in reverse.

Prince Caine returned to his guest (Imperatrix Verona) and seemed at odds with her, demanding that she repeated aloud what she had just told him. She said that people within her house may have gone beyond theory in refashioning the past. They would need a tool and sufficient power. Well House Cyril have inadvertently supplied them with a painting - a Trump or mystic image as the tool and someone sought to send an assassin back in time to this event and change its outcome.

The remaining painting was unveiled by Pfalzgraf Wherren with its creator present and was now obviously becoming transparent, as was Pfalzgraf Wherren himself. In this revision of history it was never commissioned. Its artist was shocked. And some of us heard a low chuckle from behind the painting where Brand was becoming slowly more substantial. Several things become clear. The artist ‘remembered’ that Lord Brand commissioned the painting and Havelock recalled a conversation he’d had with Dworkin and Lord Suhuy, whereupon these very events, albeit in an abstract way, were discussed during a game they had called ‘Clueless’. Their comments included the name Ganyajigowa (the name of the Fish-headed Lord we observed in the Council Gallery moving well away from the Lich of House Karm). The theft of a painting from Cyril and the place of power being the Church of the Serpent.

House Zigo agreed to wait for us outside of the Church. I could not lay my hands on a bow, to my chagrin. I so miss not having Pattern available to me here. William sent his demon to locate one but speed was essential. Benedict ordered us and we travelled urgently to the Church.

Sorashi, Havelock and I entered the Church with a couple of Zigo scouts and quickly and quietly took in the figure far down at the centre of the steep seated structure. Havelock said it was the Priest of the Serpent Church with a figure on an altar awaiting sacrifice. To his side was the missing painting and in front of that, a metal rune with a central eye but different to the creature we had witnessed in the Council Chamber.

The obvious to see were the 50 orca-mounted tritons led by something especially large. The less obvious were the demons waiting in the high circle seats watching for the Trump gate that was about to be opened. I recalled the scouts and we reported to Benedict. House Zigo ordered that the Priest was not to be harmed. We formed up for battle with the House Zigo and others of our guests who were able to assist, some with sorcery and others with arms.

Artemis was expectedly deadly with her bow and aimed for the eyes of the enemy steeds before she concentrated on the metal pentagram entity in attempt to close down the ceremony. I fought with the skirmishers and prevented the observing demons from crashing into the rear of our main force as it charged down the aisles to take on the Triton cavalry. My skill with arms was more than a match for these demons.

I flicked a glance over towards Sorashi who was not only struggling to overcome her targets but had also taken on the form of a green and cream tiger. So, there, my Lady, is a secret laid bare. I was about to go and dispatch her opponent when something else remarkable occurred. Sire Melvin, last bedraggled scion of House Barimen showed signs of growing a spine. It was he who unexpectedly dispatched my cousin’s demon and if a tiger could look grateful then I think she probably did. William’s semi-serious plan that Sorashi should marry Melvin and lend him her strength of will has even more merit. As a shape changer she could more than cope with the physical demands of the Courts.

With these demons dealt with I turned and literally sprinted down the aisle to aid my family. I fought well enough to prove my place down there. Prince Bleys assisted Havelock in dispatching his giant triton - the one who had been his death in the alternative history. The priest had gone and the pentagram lay on the floor. The sacrifice rose from the altar and various forms flickered across her as she stood glaring in fury at us. She was the last of her House and we had in effect ruined her grand exit. It was Sorashi who, in pity, took her life.

We of Amber took comparatively few losses. Prince Delwin was carried on in a stretcher and you, my dear Warden took a blow to your left arm that has left it in a sling. May your pride not be too damaged. The Lady Isis was wounded and Salome of Alhazred killed outright. Of House Zigo four have been killed including Lantari, their third in Command and, sadly, someone whom we had only just met and drank with.

By our Lady’s grace - the Courts of Chaos is a very strange place and that attempt on us a very well planned and nearly well executed one indeed. I do not fuss about you Warden. I catch your eye and although injured you seem well enough to me. To inquire further would be to stamp upon your pride - and the Warden of Arden is a very proud man indeed. I was intact, not wearied, but blood stirred and I am minded to join Lord Torc at the Revels. I shall investigate the state of the Warden of Arden after he has had a chance to sleep.