The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 4

In which our heroes reach Mount Othrys Abbey but lose Sergeant Savage in a tragic accident.

Godsday, Truthweek, Seaseason, 612

So today is an ‘oly day for Demosthenes and Rhada-bleedin-manfus so Sergeant Savage and the scholars are up early to visit their temples an’ make donations. Meanwhile the rest of us ‘ave it easy. Dunno wot the toffs ‘ave for breakfast but Ional an’ me get yesterday’s leftovers from dinner – nice bit of pork an’ roast onions – then I helps Ional gets the cart an’ orses ready an’ we’re off by mid-mornin’.

The next few hours this big mountain looms up ahead an’ to the left – this is Mount Ofrys an’ the Celestines ‘ave their big abbey on top.

We reaches a pretty little village called Honfleur just after lunch. It must have just had a flower festival or sumfink ‘cos there’s baskets of flowers everywhere. The inn has got a sign wiv a lotta stars an’ Sergeant Savage says it’s called The Sky at Night. But the toffs decide it’s a little small so we head up the mountain to stay at the abbey up top.

I ain’t never bin up a mountain before – Cor, you dun half get a view! As we go up we can see for miles!

If you asks me it’s a daft place to put a mountain, just stuck out here wiv hardly a hill to keep it company. It makes for hard goin’ – the road winds left an’ right with sharp turns, steep an’ all.

It’s on one of them turns that the ‘orse takes a fright. Sergeant Savage is no better than me at drivin’ an’ the right wheels roll off the road an’ we’re frone. I tries to jump but it’s like the cart’s gone from under me before I can get me feet an all I can do is try an’ aim for the road.

Me an’ Blen hit the road hard an’ roll. Luckily we ain’t hurt, just winded, but as we lands I ‘ear a scream. Merde! We scrambles to our feet. Spathi an’ Eliza are getting’ hold of the ‘orse but the others join me an’ Blen lookin’ over the drop for Sergeant Savage. He’s easy to spot, about forty-foot down, lookin’ banged up an’ not movin’. He don’t look good to me.

I gets the rope; Blen and someone holds the end while I scramble down to ‘im. He’s dead! Looks like he tried to break his fall wiv his hands but they just got smashed back into his face so I can’t tell his ear from his elbow, like. Pity! I was just getting’ to like tol’rate him. I unties the rope an’ reties it round him. While the others are haulin’ him up I looks about for anythin’ else that got frone off the cart but I don’t see nuffin’. I’m glad they frow me back the rope ‘cos I slips climbin’ back up an’ wivout it I reckon I’d ‘ave gone the same way as Sergeant Savage.

They righted the cart while I was down the cliff. I takes over the drivin’, payin’ real close attenshun, but Blen leads the ‘orse, just in case. I gotta admit I’m finkin’ about how quick Sergeant Savage went – one minute he’s there, an’ the next he’s gone!

We gets to the top an’ see the Abbey – Cor! It’s one big round tower wiv a huge dome. The dome has shutters, like on the Selenite temple in the city, but much bigger – an’ it’s right on top of the mountain! Must ‘ave bin a lotta work for the masons. It’s old, covered in ivy. Not a lot of buildin’s in Heliopolis are that old – on account of the big fire an ‘undred years ago – so this might be the oldest buildin’ I’ve ever seen.

The Abbey’s onna spur wiv a bridge to the main gate on the mountain. The gate is inna little square tower wiv a pecoolier fing on top – looks like summint arty.

There’s a monk onna gate in blue robes, like a wizard but wivout the pointy ‘at. He seems a bit surprised to see us, like, but he knows a toff when he sees one and asks what he can do ‘on this orspishus day’. Lady Samal says she wants a chat wiv his abbot about her uncle. He says the abbot’s busy right now – on account of it bein’ their ‘oly day – but the Abbey’ll put us up for the night an’ she can talk to ‘im in the mornin’.

Well they got stables an’ everyfing for the ‘orses. Inside the Abbey it’s very dark, ‘ardly any windows. We get led by Bruvver Carl to their ‘refek-toree’, lit by big banks of candles, where we get given grub – not bad, more like ordinary nosh than the posh toff grub we bin gettin’ lately. While we’re eatin’ I sees some weird fings in alcoves round the walls, sort of like spears, but they’re blunt at bofe ends. Interestin’!

After the nosh Bruvver Carl shows us to our rooms – we each gets a whole room to ourselves! He makes a point of sayin’ we should stay put all night ‘cos walkin’ around inna dark can be dangerous but I wants anuvver look at them spears so I waits an hour or two and sneaks back to the refek-toree.

Them spears is weird – they’re all the same, just different sizes. I take a looks at the smallest – it’s holler – a bronze tube wiv glass at each end – one end is smaller than the uvver. It’s about a foot long but if you pull the ends they slides out till it’s about two foot. I messes wiv it a bit an’ finds if you look inna small end anythin’ seen outa big end looks bigger… or nearer… you can see it better anyways.

This one’s small, like, an’ I fink about nickin’ it – must be worth a bit, all this metal, an’ I bets it’s magic, like, but then I reckon they’ll miss it an’ if it’s magic it’s probably more trouble than it’s worth, know what I mean? So I put it back an’ sneaks back to me room an’ tries to sleep.

I ain’t used to sheets and stuff an’ there’s too many blankets (I fink ‘cos it’s dead cold at night up on this mountain) but that ain’t why I can’t sleep. I can’t say I liked Sergeant Savage – he were a pork, an’ that means grief, know what I mean? But King Rat izza Life cult an’ we don’t likes Death. An’ the way he went bovvers me – one second ‘ere, gone the next.

So I hops outa bed an’ says a prayer for his soul – I don’t s’pose Rhadamanfus iz gonna listen to King Rat passin’ on me prayer. (I don’t reckon he listened to Sergeant Savage when he fell, an’ this their ‘oly day an’ all!) But I prays anyways – I hopes Sergeant Savage is reincarnated as a Were-Rat; I reckons he could be a good bloke iffen he saw life from the uvver side, like.

Then I gets back inna bed an’ next fing I know some monk is bangin’ on me door…

Freezeday, Disorderweek, Fireseason, 612

Like them Orenoar nuns, these Celestines get up at Dawn but that’s fine by me. Bruvver Carl sees us back to the refek-toree for breakfast – bacon an’ eggs, nice – ‘appy Fireseason! Over breakfast the two Humaktis divvie-up Sergeant Savage’s armour – well, it’d be a shame to let all that metal go to waste an’ it’s not like he’ll be needin’ it. We’ll take his body to Lamia an’ leave it wiv the Bridewell there.

I looks around the refek-toree – there ain’t as many monks as last night and the ones ‘ere are lookin’ knackered – reckon they’ve bin up all night, all this star-gazin’ must take it out of you.

Bruvver Carl says the Abbot will see us first fing after breakfast. I ain’t sure I’m invited but I got nuffin’ else to do so I tags along behind an’ the toffs don’t send me packin’.

It’s a bit twisty in here an’ the odd torch just makes it look darker so I’m glad Bruvver Carl knows the way. We goes up some stairs an’ come to two big bronze doors wiv runes – I recognises Order (one of King Rat’s that is) an’ Troof but the third izza funny triangle – someone says it’s Al-Kye-Mee.

Then the doors open and we see the inside of that big dome! It feels bigger than it looks from outside. I can see the shutters an’ there’s a lot of cogs an’ Dwarf-stuff to make ‘em open and swing the dome around. An’ in the middle iz one of them fings inna refek-toree, only it’s big! An’ I means huge! I could crawl up the inside easy. Bruvver Carl says it’s a ‘tellee-scope’. There’s more cogs an’ Dwarf-stuff to make the tellee-scope move an’ all. I reckon the monks must use it to look at the stars at night.

The inside of the doors ‘ave stars cut in ‘em but I can’t work out which are which – like I ever looked at the stars before – I live inna gutter, stars are for toffs… an’ Selenites, know what I mean?

Bruvver Carl leads us frew the dome an’ into the Abbot’s rooms – nice! He’s gotta much bigger room wiv a great view down the mountain an’ out over the sea. He’s got one wall covered in books – I can make out the letters onna backs but it don’t mean nuffin’ to me. Anuvver wall’s gotta big map of the stars.

Abbot greets the toffs an’ says his name’s Farver Sebastian. He asks Lady Samal how he can help her?

So Lady Samal asks about her uncle, Tar Bohneg, who was a monk up ‘ere. Farver Sebastian says he’s sorry to ‘ear her uncle’s dead, but I don’t reckon he is – I reckon he’s more unhappy about just hearin’ the name. I don’t fink he liked her uncle much.

Lady Samal tells him about Lady Sybil’s forbodings an’ that she’s gotta sort out his will an’ stuff. Farver Sebastian says her uncle had borrered a magic tellee-scope an’ he wants it returned. He says Tar Bohneg got kicked out of the Abbey when he started spoutin’ stuff ‘not in the order’s interests’ – Farver Sebastian reckons it were dangerous stuff. He says star-gazin’ is an ‘ekzact sy-ence’ and can be dangerous.

Sieur Alphonse asks how long ago he got chucked out – Farver Sebastian says it was all tied up wiv Tar Bohneg’s sister (he don’t know her name) – she was an adventooress wot vanished. Lady Samal ain’t never ‘eard of her and then says Tar Bohneg woz actually her great-uncle.

Tar Bohneg tried to find his sister an’ this did summat to his studies – when uvver monks started finkin’ the same way he was asked to leave an’ take his books and stuff wiv him. (If they let him take the tellee-scope wiv him when they kicked him out, looks to me like they wuz inna real hurry to get rid of him, know what I mean?)

Seems he went norf. He don’t say it but I reckon Farver Sebastian was real glad to see the back of him.

Farver Sebastian says we can stay as long as the toffs want; Lady Samal an’ Sieur Alphonse have a tatertate and say they’ll stay for one more day. The Abbot says we can look around, see the Abbey an stuff, an’ if we likes we can stay up all night an’ the monks can tell us about the Stars. Well, maybe…

An’ he says there’s anuvver toff wot’s stayin’ at the Abbey – Sieur Thomas de Courtney – name rings a bell but I can’t place it just yet. He reckons Lady Samal an’ Sieur Alphonse might wanna chat wiv him.

So I spends me day wiv two monks wot show me how the tellee-scopes work. We goes around the outside lookin’ around. It’s amazin’, you can see for miles… That bit of water down there ain’t a river, it’s a bit of the sea between us an’ Duck Island – frew the tellee-scope I can even see Ducks inna paddie-fields. Then we looks norf an’ they say the big mountain I can just about see is Mount Olympus – they reckon the wevver must be just right, clear an’ calm – it’s seventy-five mile away!

We spends half the day lookin’ around an’ I ‘ears ‘em goin’ on about Stars an’ stuff (and candy – they seem kinda hooked on ‘firm mints’ – reckon they don’t like the soft ones). I wonders iffen it might be cool to go star-gazin’ tonight? They talk about ‘constellayshuns’, which are bunches of stars togevver wot make pictures – they reckon all the gods is up there. I asks if there’s one for a rat but they don’t reckon so an’ I decides to stay in me bed tonight, after all. Like I said, stars are for toffs an’ Selenites.

So when we’ve seen everythin’ around, they take me inna library. I tell ‘em I ain’t much of a reader but they say that ain’t no problem ‘cos we’ll be lookin’ at pictures – turns out they got maps an’ they show me wot we bin seein’ inna tellee-scope. Duck Island is much bigger than I fort an’ the proper sea the uvver side is the Eejian – it’s got lots of islands wiv weird names.

So there I am wiv Bruvver Julian an’ Sister Céleste inna library when in comes Sieur Alphonse an Lady Samal wiv a nun an’ anuvver Heliot – he must be Sieur Thomas de Courtney. I fort the name sounded familiar an’ I reckon I know the nun. She catches me lookin’ an’ I tugs me forelock, respectful, like, an’ blow me if she don’t come over for a natter! Merde! Wot I done to deserve this?

But then I clocks where I seen her before – couple of years ago we cleaned out a cesspit in Heliopolis. There are only two seasons to do this. Some reckon on Fireseason, once the Sun’s dried it out a bit, but I reckon the back half of Darkseason’s best, when a really hard freeze has gone real deep. Me an’ Marie was hired – not bad wages, five shillin’s – to clean out this old cesspit inna back yard. We’re bofe strong (Marie’s big wiv it – massive she is) an’ we ain’t afraid of the cold, so we strip off (‘cos we don’t wanna get our cloves mucky) an’ wrap a bit of sackin’ round our privates (‘cos we don’t wanna frighten the servants) an’ get to hackin’ frozen shite outa the ground.

Yer see, the ‘ouse had bin built onna old one that burned down in the big fire. When the new one was built it was given drains an stuff an’ the old cesspit was covered over. Seems like now they wanted to build an ice-house but were ‘fraid the old cesspit would leak frew. So it had to go.

Now I din’t get all this from the servants – most servants is even snobbier than the toffs an’ won’t give a Rat the time of day – but a young lady of the toff family came out wiv warm food an’ a natter an’ she told us all this. She said she was Charlene de Courtney an she was ‘ome from her nunnery, visitin’ her family.

So this is her nunnery, an’ ‘ere she is an’ she even remembers me name! She’s real nice, compliments me new jacket an’ asks wot brings me ‘ere? Woz I wiv the toffs, like? (But she said it nicerer than that.)

Lumme! I din’t know what to do, so I says, “Yeah, whenever they gets a dead body I climb down a cliff.” I dunno why I said that – I mean, finkin’ about it, it’s true, like, but I din’t mean to say it, know what I mean? She said she remembered I was good at climbin’.

So she’s talkin’ all nice an’ friendly, like, an’ I remember wot she said back then about her bruvver bein’ a pain ‘cos he’d bin turned down by a girl. Turns out that girl was Lady Samal.

She says I gotta call her Sister Charlene – like she was a regular nun an’ no toff at all. I reckon she’s one of the nicest people wot this Rat’s ever met. When she goes back to Lady Samal I kind of tag along to get a look at her bruvver.

I reckon Sieur Thomas is a bit younger than his sister, about ten years, maybe? He kind of looks like her but he’s not as nice – not nearly – he’s a typical arrogant Heliot, a real git – at least Sieur Alphonse will talk to me but Sieur Thomas just ignores anyone wivout a picture onna shield, know what I mean?

I ‘ears Sieur Thomas challengin’ Lady Stella an’ even Lady Samal to duels! I mean, wot? There’s nuffin’ to Lady Samal – one strong breeze an’ she’d blow away. Anyways both ladies say no – ‘cos they ain’t stupid, an’ Lady Samal says she ain’t no Storm cultist anyways, ‘cos Iris has got Rain and Sun but not Wind.

But then Spathi does his own challenge an’ I fink, ‘Oh not again’! Sister Charlene tells Sieur Thomas wot she finks an’ it ain’t much. “If he cuts your head off I will personally throw your body down the mountain!” (And, of course, it’ll be muggins who has to scramble down onna rope to get it back.)

So we all head out to the stable courtyard, Lady Samal chattin’ to Sister Charlene about her uncle. Sister Charlene knew him well and she’s really sorry he’s dead.

She says Tar Bohneg wazza ‘lively an’ fun-filled’ gent. He was very fond of his sister but she can’t recall the name. (Bit weird that no one can remember her name.) When she vanished he searched the skies to find out what ‘appened to her. (Strange place to look, if you ask me.)

During his studies he discovered sumfink called the Celestine Prophesy, which he said was a path to Enlightenment by a series of ‘insights’ which seem like Chance but in ‘indsight are really Fate. Sister Charlene says it’s a bit like Mahatman teachings – I fink she means the yeller monks (I can’t keep track of all these monks an’ nuns an’ stuff). She reckons there are nine insights an’ she knows only the first few – she says they can only be seen wiv ‘indsight.

I’ll be honest and say I din’t get all this – reckon I’ve missed me first insight – but then she said the first insight is that all fings (animals an’ people – all races, like) are connected by sin-crownee-city – which she said was ‘a greater conchisness’ – but that’s just like King Rat an’ his Rat-Kings connectin’ all us Rats, so maybe I got me first insight after all. (Kinda born inna all that as a were-rat, know what I mean?)

Then she says the next insight is summink to do wiv everyone lookin’ to religion or sy-ence for their spiritual welf, but they’re wrong an’ that all just makes for a Void – reckon she’s lost me there, sounds like she’s sayin’ the Gods created the Void, so she finks they’re to blame for Chaos? Barkin’, if you arsk me!

Sister Charlene says Tar Bohneg took all his books wiv him when he left but most of his writin’ was done after. Sister Charlene has tried to follow it in secret but if the Abbot found out she’d be kicked out an’ she doesn’t wanna go live with her bruvver…

Speakin’ of… While they’ve bin talkin’ Spathi an’ Sieur Thomas have bin doin’ the usual palaver of choosin’ swords and sortin’ out wot magic they’ll use. (They go for none – but took a lot of arguin’ to get there.) An’ they have to work out where they can hit each uvver. (Anywhere – so why it took ‘em so long to say so?)

Finally they gets down to the fight an’ it’s real borin’ stuff – looks like they’re takin’ turns knockin’ splinters out of their swords – I see a small mint in scrap bronze on the ground before they finish.

Finally Spathi smacks another lump off Sieur Thomas’s sword an’ his point tinkles off Sieur Thomas’ armour – so Spathi wins! I catches Sister Charlene lookin’ pretty gleeful. I’m just glad they took lumps outa their swords an’ not each uvver.

While he’s puttin’ back the bits that fell off his sword, Charlene gives Spathi a gold coin an’ asks him to look out for Sieur Thomas – on account of he’s still her bruvver even if he’s a pain – but Spathi reckons that ‘ard work, like, since Sieur Thomas won’t talk to no one who ain’t a toff. Well he may be an Humakti but he’s got that one right.

Lady Samal invites Sister Charlene to come wiv us – I wouldn’t mind that, she’s real nice is Sister Charlene – she says no but she reckons she’ll send her bruvver wiv us as her agent. Merde! Well fanks, Charlene, I don’t fink that’s a fair swap – I’d rarver have the pork back. Well at least he’s got his own chariot so it’ll just be me an’ Blen inna cart.

So we’re headin’ norf tomorrer but today I’m gonna look at more maps an’ then I’m gettin’ a bath – Sister Céleste says they got a real good bath‘ouse wiv loadsa hot water – I wanna wash Sergeant Savage off me.