The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 33

In which our heroes visit a prison on the Spirit Plane and expand their Atyari vocabulary.

Freezeday, Fertilityweek, Darkseason, 612, noon – underground

Sumfink feels weerd – sudden-like I’z kneelin’ in water an’ I feels mud. So I stops screamin’ an’ opens me eyes. We’z all outside, I fink, but I dunno where – iz all knee-deep water over urff – can’t see nuffink ‘cos it’z all foggy. The water kinda moovs, bit like inna the sewers ov Heliopolis when the waves wash in an’ out. I can’t see the Sun or Moon but there’z enuff lite to see – not that there’s much to see, just each uvver an’ we’z all ‘ere.

Sieur Thomas tellz Sieur Alphonse he spots sumwun – he sounds a bit odd, like there’z sumfink up wiv his voice, then I realise he’z speakin’ Spiritspeech (I’z heard Grannie Attouile speakin’ it in Heliopolis). It’z funny ‘cos I dunt no much, just a few words, like, but sumhow I ‘ears Sieur Thomas perfect. I’z finkin’ we’z all lookin’ a bit see-frew – weerd! Then it hits me – we’z all in the spirit-world! Merde! Duz that mean we’z all ded?

Well there’z nuffink for it so we all follers Sieur Thomas to find a weerd templ ov green marbl, like the statyoo, built in the side ovva hill wot looms outa the mist. There’z sum geezer tween us an’ the templ doors. He’z dressd in black, reel dark black, I reckon, almost purple, an’ he’z kinda hunched over wiv his back to us.

Lady Samal mutters ‘We’z all spirits an’ so iz he’ – well she’z ded eddicayted so she must know. The templ looks ded old, wun ov the pillars iz fell down but I can see big metal doors frew the mist.

Az Lady Samal gets close the geezer turns round an’ that’s when I loses it, “He’z got no hed, Lady Samal!” I screams, “No hed!” That’s rite, he wunt hunched ova, he’z stood uprite but he ain’t got no hed!

But Lady Samal iz ded cool – like she’z dun all this loads ov timez before – she sez, “We’z cum to find the sorss ov the Perlovska.”

Mr No Hed steps back at this, like he’z gobsmacked to meet peepl wiv heds. Then he sez he’z waitin’! Waitin’ for wot? Well he dunt say an’ we dunt ask. Speshully not me – blokes missin’ heds sounds like Thanatar to me, an’ I’z not an’ ‘appy rat! Defnitly!

Mebbe Lady Samal ain’t az cool az she looks ‘cos she poors out anuvver cup ov wine an’ azza sip. Then she offers it round – Sieur Thomas an’ Blen look like they mite take her up on it but turns out they ain’t allowed. I fink I’z the only wun – to settle me nerves, know what I mean?

So the toffs reckon the doors iz the only way to go. Close up they’s all metal – Lady Samal reckons they’z tin – big, dubbl doors, solid tin, must cost a fortoon! They got the same pikture ov two fish tied togevver, like on the doors inna crypt an’ Serjedny’s bowl. The water’s lappin’ at ‘em an’ it’z probly inside too.

There ain’t no lock but there’z ‘andles. On a plate inna wall iz the roons ov Water an’ Undef under a word wot Lady Samal sez iz Nymphaeum but she dunt say wot it meanz. She reckons they’z ‘ad a beatin’ from the wevver but it’z ded kwyit now. Sieur Thomas tries to open the doors but nuffink ‘appens till Sieur Alphonse ‘elps ‘im.

So we’z lookin’ inna room bout six yards wide an’ two across. Rite oppsit izza short passij to a large round room. On the wallz iz piktures ov weerd watery kritters.

Frankly I’z gibberin’ but Sieur Thomas an’ Sieur Alphonse leads us in to the round room – inna middl izza big statyoo, like Boldomir’s statyoo, in green marbl but four yards high! It looks like the same girl in that statyoo but ‘ere she’z smilin’ an’ holdin’ up a fish to the ceilin’, wot’z a big dome.

On eyver side are little insets – I takes a look an’ I reckon they’z sorta like chairs built inna wall wot you cood sit down to look at the big statyoo, but the water’s still knee deep ‘ere so you’d be gettin’ a wet bum now.

While I’z doin’ that Lady Samal checks out the plinf wot’z unner the statyoo – on the frunt iz ‘Perlov’ an’ at the back iz ‘Ska’, an’ under Ska izza piktur ovva lute, probly ‘cos Ska woz a famous lute player, like wot I’ll be wun day.

Az Sieur Thomas an’ Sieur Alphonse leads us frew anuvver passij. Eliza an’ Sieur Alphonse get blasted by jets ov water cummin’ up from under – Blen reckons they’z traps triggered by plates inna ground. Eliza wunt hurt an’ Sieur Alphonse sez he’z fine but Sieur Thomas casts Healin’ on hiz leg. I gets a weerd feelin’ that the Healin’ dint work like wot it shood – I means the broozin’s better but not a lot better. Weerd an’ worritin’!

Next room iz bout twenny yards wide an’ ten cross. It’z liter ‘ere but mistier – I can’t see the ceilin’ an’ I dun’t fink it’z got wun – also the floors urff again an’ it’z all bumpy, sum ovvit’s stickin’ out the water an’ there’z pillars an’ stuff, sum ov wot ‘az fell down, all broke.

The pikturs onna wallz iz not nice – showin’ them water-kritters torturin’ wot look like green hoomans all wailin’ in pain – givs me a bit ovva turn, to be honest, reminds me ov Mr Sick – but it’z the door opsit wot reely freaks me. All round it izza big kraken – like wot I’z seen a couple timez inna sewers only much bigger, all eyes an’ tentickles, an’ the door iz like it’z mowf!

So I ‘az a bit ov an’ eppy – dun’t know ‘ow long I’z screamin’ but wot brings me round iz when the toffs start diggin’ in the mounds. Turns out Lady Samal reckons sum iz majik. Sieur Thomas digs up a fancy box wiv a bit ov wire inside an’ rite away I’z finkin’ ovva lute string. When I did the nishiate tests for Euterpe they made me play a lute but the priest told me the first lutes woz reel big an’ you played ‘em holdin’ ‘em uprite tween your legs.

Then diggin’ in the biggest mound turns up a woodn case wiv a reel big lute. Sieur Alphonse reminds us that all art cums from Gowrie. The big lute ain’t got no strings but Lady Samal points out sum uvver mounds an’ soon we’z got all the strings.

Lady Samal asks me to string it an’ toon it but not play it – very defnit bout that she iz. Whilez toonin’ I reckon it’z easier to play than the lute I did me test on but it looks a bit old an’ we’z gotta be careful not to brake it. Lady Samal tellz me to keep it in it’z case but I woz gonna do it anyway. Even tho I dunt akterly play it I still prays to Euterpe. This cood be the very lute wot blonged to Neil Diamondo – Cor!

So the only way to go iz inna the kraken’s mowf – the door’s marked wiv the roons ov Water an’ Undef, like the frunt door, an it’z tin again, but just a single door. There’z a name by the door wot says ‘Tablinum’ but not even Lady Samal knows wot that means.

I dunt see no traps but it looks reel scary an’ I’z a bit freaked but we all follers Sieur Alphonse frew it into a ded weerd room, sorta like a rectangle wiv ‘alf a round room tacked on the far side, only a bit off to the left. Lady Samal reckons there’z holes az traps hidden in the water so we all takes care. The floor must slope down on the far side ‘cos it’z deeper by the curved wall. I spots a seat stickin’ out from the wall to the rite anna passij to the left wot’s reel dark, sorta like the Shade woz. It’z got ‘Ergastulum’ on the wall next to it.

But then I gets freaked again when this monster comes out the water! It’s sorta like a big, fat pig wiv flippers, an’ it’z big, like ‘orse-sized. I screams, “It’s a monster, Lady Samal!” but she just sez ‘”Back away” an’ I duz az she sez, sumhow gettin’ control ov meself.

The fing sez, “Who disturbs me slumber?” Like we just woke it up or sumfink. I hides behind Lady Samal.

Sieur Alphonse sez, “We seek the sorss ov the Perlov” an’ Lady Samal sez “Perlovska”. The monster sez they’z ‘ere but wants to know wot we wonts wiv ‘em. We all mumble sum stuff. Then Sieur Alphonse asks why we can’t see the jailer an’ the monster sez it ain’t seen him for a long time – an’ I reckon it means long, like mebbe Dawn Age or even Godtime?

Then it sez sumfink bout a part ovva god can’t cum in – like they’z jailer’s a god! Then it kinda grins an’ sez Ska woz incarza… inkysirat… lockd-up in ‘ere by ‘that’, an’ it nods back the way we came – duz it mean Mr No Hed out frunt? Then I gets this ‘orrible feelin’ Mr No Hed mite be Thanatar, or a bit ovvim at least. Merde! I sorta curls up inna water an’ gibbers.

Turns out the monster is called Sally-seeya. Lady Samal wunders if Ska iz a Thani an’ Mr No-Head iz sumfink called the ‘Gavvrer ov Soles’, wot’s after Ska’s. But Sally sez she only knows the jailer az the Jailer. She sez the place at the end of the passij onna left izza space tween uvver spaces. (I fink that’z wot she sed – akterly I woz still gibberin’ to be honest.)

The toffs are worrit the dark inna passij mite be a Shade so Lady Samal detects enemies an’ reckons it’z an enemie ov Sieur Alphonse an’ he’z got anuvver bout five yards behind it. Thomas asks Blen to cast his Sheeld spell an’ duff up the Shade but Blen ain’t keen.

Sally sez she’z the spirit ov this place an’ the Jailer maid a deal wiv her to keep Perlov an’ Ska locked up. Lady Samal asks if she can let ‘em go but parrently she can’t do that cossov her deal wivva Jailer but she’d be ‘appy if we set ‘em free. I’z kinda stopped gibberin’ by now but most ov this iz goin’ rite ova me ‘ed. (Least I still gots wun.)

George the porc asks who the Jailer iz – Lady Samal finks it’z an old Emperor ov these parts from the Dawn Age wot woz a Barl cultist – I ain’t never ‘eard ov no Barl but then I ain’t eddiekated. George dunt see ‘ow the Perlov can be locked up in ‘ere but still flowin’ out there. Sally sez that’s ‘cos only a bit ov the Perlov is locked up.

Sally’s bin listnin’ to all our chat, obvio-like, an’ sez she can cast Sheeld on eny ov us wot wonts it if we pays wiv bits of our soles! I ain’t keen but Lady Samal sez she’ll giv a bit ov her sole to ‘av it cast on sumwun else. Well nun ov the toffs iz keen an’ I ain’t vlonteerin’, know what I mean? But then George sez yes – wot wiv hiz shootin’ an’ beatin’ the golem I reckon George izza reel ‘Ero – shame he’z a porc, reely.

So George casts a loada spells on hizzelf an’ Lady Samal givs ‘im Cordnayshaun an’ Sally casts Sheeld an’ he strides into the passij an’ kills the Shade wiv wun blow. The darkness clears an’ we sees the passij goes inna smallish room. I ‘angs back wiv Lady Samal but Sieur Alphonse leads the uvvers to join George.

From wot they sez there’z a door onna rite an’ onna left iz sum poor geezer wot’s ‘ad hiz guts cut open wiv fishes feedin’ on ‘em while he’z still livin’! Merde! (But ‘ow cum he’s still livin’ when nowun’s been ‘ere in a fowzand years?)

In the middle ovva room izza statyoo – it’z maid ov that green marbl but it’z got cloves – sorta inky-black robes but wot’s weerd iz it’z hed, wot’s a glowin’ silvery skull wiv horns an’ big teef.

The toffs ain’t keen but they’z toffs an’ they’z aint bout to shirk a fite wiv a Dark fing so they surrounds the statyoo az it cums to life an’ lays in. Me an’ Lady Samal stays back. I casts Shimmer but there ain’t no room for me an’ I ain’t facin’ that, no way.

The fing ‘ammers Sieur Alphonse’s sheeld a coupla times an’ it gets hit but only a few flakes cum off – like it’s reel tuff, like stone.

Then evrywun round it starts hoppin’ like they’z getting’ bit by sumfink inna water – an’ then we spots two fishes cummin after me an’ Lady Samal. It bites me inna shin but me greave stops it. I tries to stab mine wiv me dagger but it’z ded ‘ard to stab in water. I wunders if I shood cast Ironhand an’ grab it?