The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 54

In which our heroes clear the tower and the Rhadamanthites recover lots of evidence…

Waterday, Truthweek, Fireseason, 614 – mid-afternoon

Next floor down iz the room we ‘ad the big fite in – we all stay off the majik circle wot’s in the middl ov the floor. The thugs ‘av given the room a goin’ ova but there’s fings they missed. They looted the desk by the winder but Sarjint Bassett gavvers all the papers scatterd bout and sorts them in two piles – evdens an’ not evdens, I reckon. Eliza looks all ova the desk for secrit panels an’ all that but nuffink doin’.

Uvver side ov the room iz a locked bookcase wot the thugs dint tuch. Lord Thomas tells Tarkwin that it must be ‘cos the thugs knew It’z got nasty traps. So me an’ Eliza take a look an’ lumme if he ain’t rite. Basicly, you haz to open the lock rite to disarm the trap. Evrywun reckons I’z the best lockpicker but it ain’t like I’z a profeshnal, know wot I mean? So they casts Strength an’ Cordnayshun on me wot I reckon givs me the edge ‘cos it opens, ‘click’, no trubbl.

Cors, inside iz a load ov books wot I can’t read but sum of the uvvers can. Most ov ‘em is sketchbooks made by Violet ov local vyooz an’ flowers but five iz uvver stuff: Violet’s dairy for 560 TA; a histry of Necropolis; a majik book bout circles ov protecshun; accounts for the state 560-568 TA…

The last book iz a bit rum – givs me the creeps, enyroad – there ain’t no title but inside the ritin’ iz ded weerd an’ nowun can read it but the pikturs iz ov weerd monsters an’ people gettin’ sacrificed – not nice at all.

At the bottom iz ‘alf-a-duzzin wands but Clay says they’z aint majik, just six sticks. In a cubbord in the oppsit corner we finds anuvver five wands an’ a load ov linen sheets an’ two duzzin candles in all diffrent colours – I gives ‘em a sniff ‘cos sumwun sez the black wuns iz made of fat from people but they’z all beeswax, wot makes ‘em a bit posh ‘cos cheap candles iz tallow, wot smokes an’ pongs a lot.

Sumwun sez munny gets lost down the backs ov cumfy chairs so we all haz a shufti – I’z rite made up to find tuppence but then Lord Thomas digs out a Moon!

Last thing, we grab the pikturs on the walls: wun iz ov a wood. Anuvver iz of a gent in posh Selnite cloves called ‘Florimond II, Duke of Moonguard 553 TA’ – hiz cloves iz ded old. The last piktur looks like it came out that weerd book – It’z a city but it looks ded weerd an’ the angles iz wrong – It’z signed Viola.

There’s three doors the uvver side ov the stairs. The first haz a sign wot sez ‘vacant’. It’z wot Lady Samal calls a ‘water closit’ – It’z got a bath an’ a sort ov machine wot washes away your crap wiv water. Inside a cabnet I finds a small bottil wot Stella sez is called ‘Reel Solder’ – I givs it a sniff an’ it’z a musky perfume. Then I smells sumfink from ded wales an’ I reckon this perfume iz worf a mint – the uvvers ain’t so shaw but I knows bosh peepl pays loads for nice smellies.

The next door iz an armoury but it’z only got a spade, a pickaxe an’ a shod kwarterstaff – it ain’t much but we takes it enyway. The fird room must ‘av bin the thugs’ own bedroom but they’ve given it a good goin’ ova an’ there ain’t nuffink left worf ‘avvin’.

Next floor down an’ we’z steppin’ on bits ov mannikins Lord Thomas trashed while we woz gettin’ killd by Viola. We start in the dinin’ room where we met the cook. The walls iz ded nice an’ there’z two posh lanterns hung from the ceilin’. There’z cumfy armchairs up the far end an’ the dinin’ table an’ chairs down this end.

A sidebord haz weerd littl cottijs made by Sarah Mix but sum iz on the floor all broke. Anuvver sideboard haz bokayz of dried flowers. We looks in the closed doors in the bottom ov the sidebords but all we find iz wooden cups an’ stuff, nuffink fancy. The toffs reckon there woz posh booze but the thugs ‘av lootid it.

At the far end iz a big dubbl door wiv a bronze plate wiv four dials ov numbers wot Stella sez iz a comnayshun lock. There’z anuvver door just like it off the stairs wot goes to the same room. We dunt ‘av the combo so we leevs it alone for now.

There’z anuvver ‘water closit’ but it’z all dusty wiv cobwebs, ain’t bin used in ages. The next room iz bigger wiv a shelf all along the back wall (wot’s the inside ov the tower wall) an’ racks for dryin’ ‘erbs an’ flowers.

The third door iz locked an’ this time I can’t pick it. The uvvers all haz a try but it’z Lord Thomas wot gets the click! It’z a storeroom wiv lots ov stuff but only a few fings worf menshuning. There’z twenny bottils ov wine wot Lord Thomas reckons iz a ‘good vintij’ wunce he’z tasted the first. There’z four big cheeses an’ two saltid hams, three kegs ov beer an’ uvver food – we ain’t gonna starve while we’z ‘ere, enyroad.

So it’z down to the ground floor but it’z all bin looted – the thugs took the ‘orse wot woz in the stables an’ emptied the storeroom – so we heds back up to that room wiv the comnayshun lock. We ain’t got the combo but we haz Stella wiv her big axe. Cors, we reckon there mite be traps so Eliza an’ Clay flank Stella but well away, in the corners, while me, Lord Thomas an’ Sarjint Bassett duck behind the cumfy chairs.

So Stella starts hackin’ at the door wot shakes an’ brakes. Then, sudden-like, wiv no warnin’ it sprays her wiv acid (I reckon Viola’s got a fing bout acid – she uses it a lot) an’ she falls down, screamin’ an’ clutchin’ her leg wot’s burned reel bad – I can see the bones! A Healin’ poshun soon puts her rite but for a while there I fort she woz a gonna!

While we’z carin’ for Stella, Clay looks frew the door wot’s ‘alf wreckd an’ sez he can see bookshelves – it’z a lyebree! But then he swears an’ sez sumfink iz movin’ inside! He finks it’z anuvver scarecrow.

Cors, Lord Thomas dunt want hiz armour to get sprayed wiv acid aggen but I takes a look at the door an’ sees the acid bottil in the jam iz empty an’ sudden-like Lord Thomas iz brave aggen! So he sholders open wot’s left of the door wiv me, Sarjint Bassett an’ Stella behind him an’ Eliza an’ Clay back in their corners to eyver side. Tarkwin iz the uvver side ov the room.

Lord Thomas dunt say nuffink, just walks backwards az three scarecrows an’ anuvver bluddy statyoo cum out the lyebree. Two scarecrows iz flankin’ the statyoo an’ anuvver iz behind it. The statyoo iz in levers wiv a mace in each hand while two scarecrows haz battlaxes an’ the last haz a spear, all wiv sheelds.

Lord Thomas backs off an’ we forms a line wiv me tween him an’ Stella. Eliza an’ Clay each take wun ov the flankin’ scarecrows while the third cums from behind the statyoo tween me an’ Stella while the statyoo cums tween me an’ Lord Thomas.

But then we sees the statyoo haz these glowin’ blue eyes an’ wun flashes at Lord Thomas an’ a litenin’ bolt hits hiz leg an’ he falls down! Sarjint Bassett moves round to the left to fite the statyoo.

Eliza misses her scarecrow. It hits her leg but It’z just a scratch. But Clay wacks hiz scarecrow in the hed an’ it’z ded! I parries the third scarecrow wiv me dagger an’ the statyoo wiv me sword. I cast Shimmer an’ Silke casts Ironhand on me. Then the scarecrow parries Stella an’ the statyoo parries Sarjint Bassett.

Clay charjis cross the door to attack Eliza’s scarecrow in the back. She an’ her scarecrow parry each uvver but then Clay wacks it in the chest an’ It’z down! Way to go, Clay – scarecrow killer!

But then the statyoo’s eye lites up an’ hits Sarjint Bassett in the leg wiv a litenin’ bolt – ouch! He’z left ‘oppin’. The statyoo parries Sarjint Bassett an’ he parries the statyoo. I parry the scarecrow an’ then I givs it a good bite – reely sink me teef in it’z hed – an’ it’z down!

That just leevs the statyoo. Eliza moovs round to drag Lord Thomas out from under our feets while Clay, me an’ Stella gets round the statyoo.

But then I makes a reel cockup an’ gets me sword all tangled in me cloves – the statyoo hits me left arm wot goes numb an’ I drops me dagger.

The statyoo parries Stella. Then Sarjint Bassett hits the statyoo in the hed an’ Clay hits it in the chest. All I can do iz bite it in the belly ‘cos I’z tryin’ to see where me dagger’s gon.

Then Silke Heals me arm – It’z still sore but I can feel it aggen. I draws anuvver dagger but all this makes me miss me parry – lucky-like, the statyoo dunt go for me. Sarjint Bassett parries the statyoo – I dunt know wot evrywun else duz but I bites its leg off!

Sarjint Bassett parries the statyoo aggen an’ the statyoo parries me bite. Stella hits it in the guts, just where I bit it but It’z still goin’ – these statyoos iz ded tuff!

I parry the statyoo an’ it parries Sarjint Bassett. Then Eliza stabs it in the guts an’ its legs crumpl. I bite its uvver leg an’ find it’z cum off in me teef!

I parry the statyoo an’ it parries me but evrywun else wacks it in the chest an’ it crumbls! Them blue eyes role cross the floor – saffires! Clay duz a Detect Majik but they ain’t majik no more. Sumwun reckons they’z worf a hundred shillins each.

Lord Thomas iz in a bad way but he’z good enuff wunce he downs a Healin’ poshun.

In the lyebree iz a load ov books, ov cors. Most iz accounts goin’ back sixty years or more – cor! Makes yer fink! There’z sum books on local histry an’ kwite a few stories wot woz made up. There’z more books ov drawins by Violet an’ she wunt a bad artist at all.

Wun book iz majik, called ‘ow to improve you’z Stormspeech, wot Clay an’ Eliza like the look ov. A scribl in the cover sez it’z got two charjis left. An’ there’z books on Beast Lore, Plant Lore, Insect Lore an’ cookin’.

Rosa shood ‘av lunch reddy for us but Lord Thomas wants us to lay up in the tower so we dunt cross the Wardin’ aggen. So we sleeps ovanite in the tower.

Clayday, Truthweek, Fireseason, 614

We haz a lazy start. Sum ov the uvvers spends sum time readin’ the books but that ain’t me fing. Stella an’ Clay haz bofe lost armour from acid so they grab sum levvers off the downed statyoo.

Sarjint Bassett haz lots ov evdens – he reckons Viola took a lot wiv her when she went but there’z plenty left. He sez Viola’s dairies say she’s bin in Freetown an’ Sophia before. Cors, if she’z got eny sense she’z gon sumplace where there ain’t no Rhadi porcs, probly Moongard or Loonyport an’ Clay menshuns the histry ov Necropolis. She cood be enywhere.

Everywun sez I can take the Chaos rats on me own so I go full rat an’ hed down to the basemint but the rats left is scared an ‘ide away where I can’t get ‘em.

So, wiv the evenin’ drawin’ on, we goes back to Rosa an’ Phil. They feed us up an’ Lord Thomas givs ‘em evryfing from the cubbords: cutlery an’ crocs, the little cottages, linen, tool an’ candles – evryfing it’z not worf us totin’ back.

Clayday to Moonday, Truthweek, Fireseason, 614

We heds back to Sophia, meetin’ nuffink an’ nowun, gettin’ there mid-mornin’. Sarjint Bassett takes us strait to the Bridewell where he hands ova all the dairies and jernals. Then we sell the pikturs for twenny shillins each an’ all the story books for fifty bob. Then we divvy up the goodies…

Lord Thomas gets first dibs an’ grabs the krystl – he gave back the wun the Heliot Marshal lent ‘im. Stella chooses the luck stone – rarver her than me. Eliza gets the book of Stormspeech ‘cos she needs to speak it better to make priestess. Clay grabs the fire wand. Sarjint Bassett gets the majik ink eraser an’ the spider detector.

I gets the majik dagger wot’s baned gainst demony gribblies ov a certin type – them’z wot’s in that nasty book – an’ the iffy wand, wot nowun knows wot it can do – I cood sell it, I spose, but I wooden get much for it. Clay gets the translatin’ tablet an’ flogs it for 200 shillings so he’s quids in. Eliza gets the last fing, wot’s the majik lady-pleaser. An’ we all gets sum cash.

But poor Sam iz still ded old an’ nowun knows where Viola’s got to.