Ann’s Diary part 20: The Awakening

in Brave New Worlds

 

The Awakening – New Year’s Day 3659 – (the University, New Amber)

I awoke on a bed within a room, within a University and a new home in a New World. A new life! A wondrous new life and the sense that the oppressive guilt that’s been my constant companion for so long may finally be lifting. I have moved from the plains of Canada to a place called Amber. I have met some of my former husband’s family and I know there are many more.

 

I am unsettled, for as much as I had to acknowledge that I was in essence as unnatural as my husband, or indeed as the Pimpernel, I am unclear as to how this could be. This is a riddle that I will attempt for a second time – in my spare time from being a University Chancellor and a medic.

 

I have bitten the bullet, as my Canadian friends would say. I went to offer my help and skills to the Admiral of the tall ships I could see. For it looked like the Navy I had served in – and I missed the sea. Crippled, busy and misogynistic this Admiral [the last is familiar] and I did not state my case with charm, but nor am I used to being referred to as ‘a little girl’.

 

I went to see the King. He seemed a little arrogant – I suppose it goes with the title. He wanted to know where and what I was and, more important to him, what could I do. I didn’t understand some of his questions – they may have been more pointed than I realised but he thinks me a suicide even when I haltingly told him of the more recent events around me. He ridiculed my faith – even though I have questioned it myself, but it was strange to be told that Heaven and Hell were but a shadow of this place called Amber.

 

I talked to him about the University and the skills it develops to assist his administration. He seemed neutral but we must work to win his affections. The King thinks me insane or shaky at best. I’m not mad. I am very embarrassed and angry at having been gulled by Dark so very easily and I am angry with Alaric for taking a decision from me. I had so much to say to him that must now remain unsaid. Life goes on.

 

I found myself in the company of Peter Thrice. He is an elf – this distracted me as I considered the physiological and psychological differences there might be between us, but he seemed more distracted when he first saw me. He knows me from my husband’s paintings, I think. Alaric still lives through his art and La Comtesse kept her head.

 

Peter has taken me to see things throughout his area of the City and I have had our students go out to his venues to play and perform and develop their arts in front of more critical audiences. I have been to a tourney and set arms and legs, all without my modern treatments. I thank Our Lady that my experiences in more primitive places have stood me in good stead.

 

I had many conversations with Morwaith. About the grey place I’ve been living in and the nature of guilt and how to measure how wicked is wicked. I am not. apparently, very wicked in the scheme of things as they are measured here. My final act of stupidity should be enough to lift the guilt and surely since my attempt at redemption I have felt the grey begin to lift from about me. This began at the sacrificial stone and it continues as I speak with Morwaith. A new life. A new place. So live it, Anne. Live it!