The Diary of Mikola Ludmilova

The Jewel of the Wildëa, part 1

In which we kill a slug…

New Year’s Day, 611

Anya, my Narkom sister, gathers us all round for a briefing. She says we’ve been tasked with a secret mission from Mother! She produces a map with a trail marked out. It goes north, past the Chaos Marshes, cross-country into the lands of the cursed Selenites and over the Moon River to a point a few days north of Freetown, where there’s an X on the map. It reminds me a lot of our last mission, much less far but we’ll be operating in Selenite territory.

Anya says Mother has ‘intel’ (this is the sort of jargon words that Pravda narkoms use) that the X marks the place where an ancient weapon is hidden. Anya explains that long ago, in the Dawn Age, where the Moon River is now there was another river, called the Wildëa. It was actually a completely different river, even though it flowed down the exact same course.

The weapon is called the ‘Jewel of the Wildëa’. Mother will handsomely reward us if we can retrieve it because it will greatly enhance Mother’s standing in the Duma.

Although unlike last time we’re not racing other gangs but still we’ll need to move fast because from the moment we cross the Moon River, we’ll only have a week to find the jewel and return over the river and the X is about two to three days north of the river. Tatiana confirms all this with Anya, and that the crossing will be at a point west of Freetown at a ruined Azraeli village.

That does give pause for thought. Didn’t the Azraelites get seen off by the Moonies? Didn’t they go bad and raise lots of undead? I do hope there’s none of that in this village.

Irina, our excellent, though rather eccentric, Xenoire sister, is off doing other stuff but Mother has arranged for another Healer to join us. Her name is Nadya Karavayeva; I’ve never seen her before but Tatiana thinks she’s heard of her mother, who is well known in Trollcastle.

Discussing matters, my sisters think one reason we’ve been given the mission is what Anya calls ‘plausible deniability’ – if we get caught by Selenites or Great Fart worshippers, Mother will claim we did this on our own initiative, without her knowledge. I really hope it doesn’t come to that.

Anya thinks the jewel was hidden by Selenites and their allies, so it may be obscured by Illusions. Tatiana reminds us that Najinski’s Blindsight can see through illusions but I can’t help thinking that we should focus our search on a Freezeday.

Tatiana reviews our kit for the mission: we have a Strength matrix in a gauntlet; 145 bologs in gems; 24 torches (just in case Darksense isn’t enough); potions: ten Healing VI, one Healing VII and an earthenware jug with 58 doses of Healing I; we have three crates of food in tins that we liberated from the underground railway; and lastly we have a selection of spare weapons – though Najinski immediately claims the maul because he broke his on the last adventure.

We get two small beetles (not sure why) and Tatiana requisitions a single pack beetle. I was hoping to ride Klyka, the spider Anya rode to join us on the Transylvanian mission, but we can only take one kine so Klyka stays behind – shame. But I check the kine and it seems fine to me, in excellent health.

So we’re ready to go!

Freezeday, Disorderweek, Seaseason, 611

As we muster and I get the harness on the pack beetle, we can’t help noticing that Anya is carrying a very large backpack, which she carries herself rather than loading the beetle. I ask what’s so important but she tells me that’s on a ‘need to know’ basis – more Pravda jargon. I know they have their own secret language but there’s no need obfuscate the Imperatritza’s perfectly good Trollish.

We set off – under the baleful glare of the Great Fart. I don’t see why we can’t travel by Night, under Stygia’s Blessing. We’re told that we need the Great Fart to spot landmarks but we didn’t have to do that last time. Someone quips that on Wildnight we’ll be able to navigate by the Full Moon – hah, bloody hah! Call it paranoia but I wonder if there’s not another reason we’re travelling by day – does someone not want Stygia to see what we’re doing?

We encounter nothing of note and at dusk we make camp and Zod cooks a perfectly adequate meal while Tatiana supervises our camouflaging of the camp. I check over the beetle and find it’s fine after the day’s exertions.

We set watches: first is Nadya, Tatiana and Anya; second is me and Zod; last is Najinski and Splitz, but nothing disturbs our sleep, such as it is.

Waterday, Disorderweek, Seaseason, 611

The morning sees us making good progress – the beetle obeys my guidance and we maintain a good steady pace. But the afternoon is broken when Anya exclaims, “Look!” She sees half a dozen worm-like things in the grass. I can’t see anything but since the others are reaching for weapons I heft my shield on my arm and reach for a rock.

There’s a strange rumbling in the ground under our feet. Suddenly, a huge, dark, glistening thing erupts from the grassland in front of us – it’s a giant slug! Obviously Chaotic, with three heads, one with crocodile jaws and another with snakes for hair – the third head is just a slug-head. Anya shouts something about mistaking its eye-stalks for worms.

Tatiana and Anya are well prepared and hurl rocks, hitting its body front and back, but it doesn’t seem to notice. Nadya backs away but the rest of us crowd round the thing, striking with maces and mauls. Zod later tells me it hit him with a spell but it didn’t seem to do anything.

So we get physical: Najinski blocks the crocodile head and I hear the wood crack. Then I hit its tail with my rock but I doubt it’s hurt at all. Then the snaky head bites Splitz – he parries but the snakes get through – luckily they’re beaten by his armour.

One head goes for me, taking a bite out of my shield. Najinski hits with his maul but the blow seems to just bounce off the glistening blubber. Tatiana hits it and finds the same thing happens.

The croc-head goes for Splitz, damaging his shield, much like mine. The snake-head goes for Najinski, overwhelming his mace (he’s dropped his maul) but his armour saves him. I manage to dodge the third head and cast Bludgeon on my mace. Zod and Splitz hit but inflict no obvious hurt.

The croc-head goes for Tatiana who parries beautifully and Disrupts a head. Zod parries the snake-head’s main bite – the snakes get through again but his armour’s tough. Anya also Disrupts the thing – I must get that spell! Then Najinski misses a parry and head three rips into his arm – that has to hurt! I hit a head but I can’t beat its armour. Then it’s Najinski’s turn to Disrupt the thing. Zod has switched to pollaxe, believing the blade will be more effective than his mace, but he misses. Splitz gets in a vicious hit in the slug’s body. Nadya casts Protection on Tatiana, since it’s obvious the creature’s bites are fearsome – from all the heads.

Zod parries Croc-head well but next thing Snake-head lunges past my parry and bites my leg off! Blyad Khaos! I fall down, clutching the stump. I’m too shocked to scream – what’s really strange is that I think I can still feel my foot, even though it’s yards away!

Lying on the ground, I see Tatiana and Anya casting Disrupts. Then a slug-head lands next to me, hacked off by Zod’s pollaxe, but not before it bit Najinski’s arm again. But that doesn’t stop Najinski hitting it in the guts and the thing slumps.

Somehow we’ve won!

Nadya heals my leg by degrees, taking three separate healings, between which she heals Najinski. But by the time I’m back on both feet Tatiana has repaired my shield.

We resume our journey. The rest of the day is, thankfully, uneventful – well I think that last event was enough to last all day – I’m sure my leg is still twinging.

Najinski cooks – he doesn’t poison us.

Clayday, Disorderweek, Seaseason, 611

The day could have gone poorly. Anya starts by pointing the direction but that is back the way we came. I’m now starting to get to grips with the terrain and we have been in this part of the world before. We take a look at the map and realise Anya’s got it upside down – so much for ‘Intel’. I think her brains are scrambled by all this light.

Once we get that right, everything goes smoothly – we see nothing and no one of note. Possibly to make up for her map-reading skills, Anya cooks tonight – she’s a much better cook than she is a map-reader.

Windsday, Disorderweek, Seaseason, 611

We set out, still making good time. But mid-morning I catch something out of the corner of my eye. They’re wheeling in the sky and very hard to make out in the baleful glare of the Great Fart but a chill settles on my heart when I realise they’re wyverns! And they’re stalking us from the air! Der’mo! [Literally, fecal excretions.]

I turn to alert my sisters to this threat, only to find them pointing out at people coming toward us… Human people… People in iron!

One is wearing iron plate, a Death rune on his black shield; another is in leathers but waving an iron scimitar (some sort of sailor?); two are in robes, one in black, the other in brown and green, but they have shields at their backs; finally there’s a lady in a full-length dress and a head-scarf, wearing iron mail over the top – she’s attended by another woman, not so well dressed, holding a quarterstaff. They turn and move toward us.

As they approach, I look round for the wyverns but they’ve gone – probably frightened off by all that iron.

When they get just inside sling-shot, they halt and the woman and one of the robed men come closer to where they can talk with us without shouting. They say something but their speech is very strange, definitely not Lunatic, Helionic or even Transylvanian. Thinking they must understand Lunatic since that’s where they’re coming from, I greet them in the cursed Selenite tongue (that Mother insisted I learn). Then they reply, in Trollish! So why didn’t they do that first? Huh! That’s humans for you.

They refer to us as ‘Men of the Dark’ and they keep saying this even though it’s obvious that most of us are female. They say they’re diplomats but they don’t seem very diplomatic to me.

The robed man introduces his companions and then Anya names her sisters. Fatil Al Addiya is an Azraelite Death Lord; the sailor is Ossamma Uqualah, a runelord of Triton; Hassan Orbani is a priest of Azrael; the two men in robes are Loremasters, of course: Mercin El Jawed is a diplomat and scholar while Saladin Maradah is an apothecary and sage. (I’m not sure what the difference is between a scholar and sage – is it the colour of the robes?) Then the women are Farah Ishmael, a Mercer Rune Lady, with an apprentice named Mehedi Al Rabin. Is she in charge? You’d think so, but looking at them I can’t be sure.

They claim to be seeking the ‘Valley of Mushrooms’ – amazing, that’s where we’re from! They seek information, the ‘lay of the land’. Tatiana tells them to seek Teresa Bolshoy-Krasnyy (the Big Red One, for those that don’t speak Trollish) and they should tell her that Tatiana sent them.

I admire Tatiana – she remains perfectly composed and treats them very civilly while they completely ignore her sex – out of pure crassness, I’m sure. They clearly do not understand diplomacy – ‘talk softly and wack them from behind with your maul’.

In return for this, Anya asks them for information as to what’s ahead: they saw barbarians but give no details save that they were ‘no trouble’. They came here from Carthage by boat but that’s moored a long way away – you don’t say!

Then, at last, they actually do something diplomatic – they offer to cook us a meal. Obviously, if they hadn’t been so oafish we’d have offered to do the same for them. But to give them credit, the meal proves excellent – very spicy and exotic, served with excellent unleavened bread that goes with it perfectly. Actually, by the time I’ve downed mine I’m feeling a lot more friendly toward them.

Fatil, the Deathlord, observes, “I take it that you hate the many depravities of the valley?” Actually, we just hate the Selenites, we don’t care what they do, but Tatiana just kind of nods sagely. Fatil does not like the Lunar tolerance of Chaos.

So as the Great Fart commences its descent, they pack up and move on, but as a parting gift they offer a small bronze censer with herbal incense to go with it. A rather odd gift but we accept it nonetheless. I notice Tatiana offers nothing in return – quite right!

I wonder how far the river is now?