The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 12

In which our heroes deals with a Troll for spell and they finally arrive in Puttuck.

Freezeday, Deathweek, Fireseason 612 - evening

OK, so now it comes – we’z just finished our dinners an’ we’z waitin’ for our puds when the toffs realise I ain’t got Gertrude. Sieur Alphonse asks wots ‘appened to her. So I sez the troof – she wanted to go wiv a Troll wot woz inna market.

Sieur Alphonse sez, wivviz eyebrows real low, like, “Hyou doo realize that this may ‘ave cost us 500s?”

Lumme, I’m probably in fer it but I sez that it just din’t seem right to just sell a little girl inna market an she really wanted to go wiv the Troll – she woz really pullin’ ‘ard on me ‘and so I left her wiv the Troll, wot’s called Ivan. But Ivan woz real intrested inna book – Gertrude’s mum’s diary – an he’ll be comin’ round tonight to buy it – reckon he’ll pay top wheel for it.

Sieur Alphonse sez, “He’s coming here?” like it’s a real surprise but I dunno wots the hassle – this inn’s gotta Troll name an’ they’z ‘appy enuff to have Gertrude here. Lady Samal sends Eliza off to tell the landlord that a Troll will be visitin’ an’ he’s to be brort to her an’ then she haz us all shifted to a private room ‘cos she dunt want a big row in public.

Sieur Alphonse sez he’d rarver not be around for when Ivan comes an’ he fancies a turn in his chariot. But it turns out he’s too late ‘cos just as he’s gettin’ ready to go Eliza comes back wiv Ivan an’ one of the human Argan-Argar merchants wot’s called Alexander.

Ivan an’ Lady Samal talk a load in Stormspeech but she translates the more important bits for the uvver toffs. But first, Sieur Alphonse challenges Ivan ‘cos all Trolls iz Dark cultists an’ all toffs luvva challenge. Ivan is dead corteeus but sez no an’ asks how we got her an’ why we calls her Gertrude? So Lady Samal sez wot ‘appened an’ that Gertrude’s Troll-name ain’t inna diary so all we’z got izza name wot Freya made up for her.

Ivan is real cool, he dunt seem narked even though itz kinda obvio we kilt a lotta trolls, includin’ Gertrude’s mum, an’ he ain’t put out by all the toffs an’ Lightbringers inna room.

He’s real intrested inna book, the diary, an’ he’d like to buy it or at least read it. Sieur Alphonse sez he reckons the diary an’ Gertrude’s a job-lot an’ Ivan’s gotta pay – I ‘ears the words ‘ransom’ an’ ‘reeznubbel fee’.

Well Ivan’s just bort a loada cookbooks from our mate Gerhard (Lady Samal tells Ivan, Gerhard just bort the books but he din’t fight no Trolls) so he’s a bit short on cash, like, so he asks iffen he can read the book. Lady Samal reckons that’s OK ‘cos he can leaf frew it while we eats our puds.

Wiv our puds inside us Ivan reckons he’z got a good idea bout Gertrude’s grannie so he can cuttus a deal – he reckons he can pay eyver a 100s in silk or a one-use runespell to each ovvus.

Cor! That don’t sound bad to me but the toffs haggle him up to 150s of silk an’ they wants to know wot the choice of spells iz. Ivan gives a list an’ sez we can eachovvuz choose wot we wants. The toffs reckon thissiz a good deal an’ we all troops off to the Troll market. On the way I gets an idea an’ I asks Lady Samal for an hour off inna mornin’ an’ she sez yes. Great! I knows wot I’m gettin’, then.

Spathi sez he wants Ivan to promise he’ll treat Gertrude real well but Ivan sez she’ll be treated lika princess. Lady Samal sez she wants updates on wot ‘appens to Gertrude ‘cos she’s keen to see her learn her letters – even if themz Troll letters.

I reckon Ivan an’ Alexander hav given us a good choice of spells but Sieur Alphonse, Eliza an’ Spathi go for the silks. For the rest of us, Sieur Thomas an’ Blen get Summon Spirit of Healin’ (I woz tempted ‘cos King Rat is really into that sort of fing but I gotta plan…); Lady Samal gets Spirit Block (‘cos I fink she’z worried bout demons); I goes for Mindlink (‘cos I’ve me plan…); an Stella, choosin’ last, gets Free Ghost.

All the trades work (I din’t realise they couldn’t) but then I finds that you don’t get the spell right away, you gotta fink about it for a bit. That’s a real bugger ‘cos I woz figurin’ I’d go back to the local mischief an’ ask Roscuro to bind a spirit inna rat for me azza familiar – he’d summon a bunch of rats, I’d choose one I like an’ then I’d use me Mindlink to use Spirit Binding (‘cos if he dunt ‘ave it sumwun or the Rat-King would). Quelle buggeur!

Then when that’s all done, Sieur Alphonse asks Alexander wot he’d give for the ivory game pieces. They haggles a bit but in the end Alexander givs 400s for all the pieces, the board an’ for the return ovvis cloak wot’ Sieur Alphonse wun inna duel this mornin’. Cor! Who’d av fort a loada carved-up teef could be worth all that?

While they’z doin’ that Ivan tells Lady Samal more bout Gertrude. Turns out Karina’s bust-up wiv her mum woz ‘cos she poisoned her mum wiv her cookin’ when she din’t wash a pot wot had bin used to brew up some toadstools. That name inna diary, Mouskara, woz a made-up name from the Trollish words for ‘wash’ an’ ‘punishment’ ‘cos Katrina sed the poisonin’ woz an accident.

I dunno, from wot I knows of Trolls, she mighta got away wiv tryin’ to poison her mum on purpose, like. But doin’ it ‘cos you just forgot to wash the pot first woz probly too embarrassin’, know what I mean?

Ivan sez grannie izza komissar or sumfink real high up inna Trolllands an’ she’z alrite now. Her name is Oxana Mikolayeva an’ she’z gonna be dead chuffed she’z gotta a granddorter.

Lady Samal also asks Ivan bout her Uncle Tar – Ivan knew him an’ fort he wozza good bloke wot treated his people well but Ole Tar asked him to get sum books bout demons and Ivan don’t like to mess wiv all that so he sed no. But he woz real sorry to ‘ear he’d copped it.

Well it looks like the toffs reckon evryfings hunky-dory wiv Gertrude an’ I reckon she’s best of out of it if we finds all them demons in Lady Samal’s manor. So I’m off to bed.

Waterday, Harmonyweek, Fireseason 612

So over breakfast the toffs are talkin’ bout gettin’ off to Lady Samal’s manor when the landlord sez a gent ‘az turned up to see Sieur Alphonse an’ Blen. Turns out itz Lord Horisto Bernard wiv sum stuff he dug out of his famly’s records bout Capn Erlanger. It’s a letter from Erlanger to his missus, Porphyria, wot Lord Horisto fort was disturbin’ an’ made him real sad.

All the toffs read it an’ Lady Samal writs a copy. I sees it an’ itz in Heliopolitan but there’s too many big words.

From wot the toffs say Erlanger knew he woz a gonna an’ he asked Porphyria to ‘destroy’ his ‘ead when she got his body back from where he died. He woz real worried bout a fing he called a Shambler gettin’ free – don’t see wot that’s gotta do wiv his ’ead but then I dunt know nuffink bout demons – an’ that’s how I likes it. His letter also sez sumfink bout Karnifex, Yrum anna lockit – wot might be the lockit we got from his tomb.

After hearin’ this, Lady Samal, Blen, Spathi an’ Eliza are gonna do some more researchin’ inna collej while Sieur Alphonse goes shoppin’. But I finks I’ll toddle along to the mischief an’ see if I can’t getta familiar anyway.

Right, I reckon there are sevral ways I gets a familiar – eyver Roscuro’s gotta Spirit Binding matrix or I gets Mindlinked to Roscuro or sumwun wiv Spirit Binding. But Roscuro ain’t gotta matrix (I dint really fink he wood, just hopin’) an’ he sez even iffen he did it’d take a week to attune it.

So that’s where Mindlink comes in – but I still can’t quite get me ‘ead around the spell I got from Ivan an’ Roscuro reckons he ain’t got it nor ‘ave any of his pack. So that’s it for me plan till I gets me ‘ead around Ivan’s spell. So I says au revoir to Roscuro ‘cos it looks like I’ll be cummin’ back sometime soon.

It’s a real shame – I wooden mind a pet rat now that Gertrude’s gone.

I gets back to the inn mid-mornin’ an’ the uvvers turn up over next hour. Lady Samal din’t find nuffink bout why Erlanger had to ‘ave his ‘ead totalled an’ she gets nuffink onna Shambler eyver. But she did get sumfink on Yrum – a very old scroll in Old Maniac that sez Yrum woz where the Old Ones woz – she reckons it hints this woz in Godtime.

Spathi also found sumfink bout Yrum an’ also Karnifex – only his scroll seemed to fink Karnifex izza person, notta book – I bet he’s the person wot wrote the book, or mebbe the book iz about him. Lady Samal reckons Karnifex izza demon so this rat wood rarver not know much more, know what I mean?

Blen tried to find out why Erlanger’s ‘ead woz a problem but all he found woz bout his wife an’ his rejmint.

Meanwhile, while Sieur Alphonse woz shoppin’ he had a natter wiv the locals bout Puttuck – he gets good directions, they reckon itz ‘alf a day away from Sophia. They sez the only inn izza Pony an’ Trap (which sounds kinda Heliotic to me) an’ the view down the valley iz real nice.

So once evrywun’s swopped stories we packs up an’ sets off for Puttuck. We leaves by the sowf gate wot we came in two days ago but after a coupla hours we turns left onna dirt track an’ ‘eads into the hills. Lucky I got in so much practice drivin’ the cart inna last fortnite ‘cos the ‘orse iz real lazy an’ dunt wanna pull up hill. It starts nice an’ sunny but clouds over later.

We gets to Puttuck an’ itz dead small, a pub, a barn wotz also a Matar temple but no standin’ stones, bout two dozen hovels anna few farms scattered about. By now we’z high enuff up that some of them clouds iz below us but the nearer fields all ‘ave sheep an’ cattle innem.

I can see the road goes on uppan hill past an orchard to an ‘ouse, which must be Lady Samal’s new dezrez, Vicente Lodge. We could push on but Lady Samal dunt know wot shape the ‘ouse izzin so she wonders wevver it might be better to kip ‘ere the night, especially when Sieur Thomas sez iffen itz got demons mebbe we shood check it out in daylite.

So Blen an me goes to check out the inn. First fing he does is buy a pint so I does the same. Turns out the local booze is cider, Puttuck ‘eadbanger. I don’t reckon Blen’s ever ‘ad cider before ‘cos he’z dead suspishus so I gets me ratty ‘ead on an’ gives me pint a sniff – it’s gotta great bokay; I gets apples (of course) wivva a hint of sinnerman an’ clean sun-dried hay – I reckon itz top-notch stuff an’ very strong, it won’t take much to put even me unner the table.

Meanwhile Lady Samal’s gone lookin’ for the Matari priestess an’ finds her inna temple, sez her name’s Miranda. Lady Samal sez she’z Tar Bohneg’s niece an Miranda curtseys an’ sez she’z honoured an’ all an’ that she’z right sorry her uncle copped it. Lady Samal wonts to meet the village elders an’ Miranda sez that’d be her then. She sez the big ‘ouse iz all in order so Lady Samal decides we’ll go up to the ‘ouse after all.

So me an’ Blen wipe our mowvs an’ gets back onna cart. As we drives up I keeps me eyes skinned for any were-rats – Puttuck izza bit small but there might be a mischief – I dunt see nun but they din’t get all wobbly an’ shout ‘chaos’ inna inn when I got ratty so they’z seem used to seein’ uz were-folk, know what I mean?

We gets up to Vicente Lodge just as the Sun’s goin’ down an’ itz gettin’ cooler – the wind’z gettin’ up an’ all we can see down the valley is clouds but we can see Puttuck well enuff.

I reckon the ‘ouse ain’t pretty – big block ovva fing wivva a tall tower inna far left corner. Upper floorz got a row of pillars wot sumwun sez is collie-naydz. The windows are all small an’ narrow, arrow-slits wiv glass, know what I mean? Looks more like a castle than a dezrez to me.

Az we pulls up four people comes out an’ lines up – reckon these must be Lady Samal’s servants wot she’z inherited along wiv the ‘ouse an’ village an’ all. The young lad comes over an’ takes Lady Samal’s ‘orse – sez his name’s Pascal an’ he’s the stable-boy, of course.

Then a woman curtseys an’ sez she’za ‘ousekeeper, called Pajakuf. Her bloke, Mudduv, izza butler anna fat bint inna apron izza cook – her name’s Philippa an’ she’z Pascal’s muvver.

Lady Samal takes her time gettin’ offa ‘orse an’ she messes round wivva reigns an’ stuff, looks like she’z tryin’ to make up her mind bout sumfink. Then sudden-like she looks over atta orchard an’ gives it a real ‘ard stare, like it dun sumfink to upset her.

So Pajakuf asks iffen Lady Samal wonts to see the ‘ouse or eat an’ Lady Samal sez she wants a wash first an’ then see the ‘ouse. Akterly I wooden mind a wash meself but I reckons I can go for a dip inna fishpond before bed – all these posh ‘ouses ‘ave ‘em.

So me an’ the toffs park the cart and chariots round the back an’ Pascal takes off the ‘orses to the stables but the toffs reckon they’ll check on their ‘orses later ‘cos they dunt trust Pascal to really treat ‘em right. I reckon Pascal’s good enuff but then I ain’t no expert, like.

So then we joins Lady Samal an’ evrywun else inna great hall where she’z just dryin’ her hands onna towel. I can see why they calls it a great hall – itz massive wivva big marble fireplace (which hazza real tiny fire burnin’ real low, even tho itz Fireseason), some chairs anna pikturs onna wall, which are a bit ‘ard to make out ‘cos itz gettin’ dark outside.

Then Pajakuf leads Lady Samal frew a door an’ we all tags along an’ we finds a garden wots open to the sky inna middle of the ‘ouse – she sez itzan 8-room. Itz got loads of flowers an’ herbs an’ stuff – reckon they’z must like shadows a lot ‘cos they can’t get much Sun down ‘ere. An’ there’za well.

Then itz frew anuvver door an’ we’z back indoors again in wot Pajakuf calls a mess-room, but I dunno why ‘cos itz akterly real tidy. Lady Samal sez she reckons itza dinin’ room an’ I reckons she’z right – big table wiv lotza chairs down the sides an’ one at each end. I reckon Lady Samal could invite loadsovva her fellow toffs to meals an’ stuff but I reckons I’ll be eatin’ inna kitchen.

Then Pajakuf takes us frew a door to the left inna corridor. There’za door labelled ‘armoury’ wiv racks for spears an’ ‘elmets but they’z all empty so let’s ‘ope there’s no trubble. Next to that iz where Pajakuf an’ Mudduv live.

Then we goes back frew the dinin’ room to anuvver corridor onna right where there’z the kitchen, pantry anna room where Philippa lives wiv Pascal.

Then itz upstairs an thissiz where it gets a bit weird, I reckon. Above the kitchen an’ pantry are three guest bedrooms where I reckons the toffs will be kippin’. Then inna middle is where the 8-room iz open to the sky but above the great hall an’ dinin’ rooms are these collie-naydz – so not only hazza 8-room got no roof onna ground floor but most of the upstairs ain’t got no roof eyver. Itz like they built thiz big ‘ouse an’ forgot to put the roof on!

So onna uvver side izza big bedroom wots for Lady Samal – it’s big an’ I could fit ‘alf-a-dozen rats inna bed but there ain’t a lot else and I dunt see nuffink of Lady Samal’s uncle Tar around.

But next door izza uncle Tar’s lyebree – it ain’t big but itz real plush wiv very comfy chairs, linen an’ silk hangin’s onna walls an’ windows anna big desk inna middle wots piled wiv books, scrolls an’ stuff. I reckon Lady Samal’s gonna ‘ave her work cut out goin’ frew that lot, an’ then there’z all them books an’ all.

Anna lyebree’s gotta stair wot goes up the tower but Pajakuf sez she don’t go up there. Me tummy gives a rumble an’ I wunder when we gets to eat. Sumwun sez sumfink bout sendin’ sumwun down the well – no guesses who that’ll be, then.