The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 20

So the doors open on the Annual Sophia Gala Auction.

Claynight, Illusionweek, Earthseason, 612, an hour before dusk

Sally’z ded nervy but I tells her she’z lookin’ great an’ it ain’t no lie. Rosie an’ her mates ‘av knocked-up a nice frock for Sally – she’z lookin’ great in pink wiv lots ov frills but she ain’t forgot her daggers wot she’z got strapped to her legs. You’d never guess but she can get right to ‘em frew slits in the frock wot’s hidden inna frills. Clever girl! I’z wearin’ a new shirt an’ I’z scrubbed reel hard – Sally’s even adda barf in hot water.

So me an’ Sally turn up atta time on the ticket, just as the light’s goin’. The wevvers a bit mizly. Sally sees uvver peepl inna kew ‘az gold-edged tickets, just like us, but sum toffs are turnin’ up wiv all gold tickets an’ they just swans in wivout kewin. Sally’s worritin’ that they won’t lettus in but I sez we’ll be fine – the toffs just get posher cards wot lets ‘em in wivout kewin, ‘cos they’z more portant.

Just az we’z bout to get in a reel rich toff gets out ovva carrij an’ wivim iz Blen! Look’s like Blen’s hiz minder in shiny armour. I dunt fink Blen spots us even tho we’z right behind ‘em frew the doors.

The rich bloke iz Boldomir, parrently he’za big clektor an’ he’z gotta gold ticket. Blen ain’t allowed to take big weapons an’ leaves hiz sword in the clokeroom; Boldomir just leaves his cloke. I’z spectin’ to get told I gotta leave me sword too but they lets us frew, guess it’z ‘cos my sword izza lot smaller than Blen’s.

Looks like me an’ Sally iz early – there’z more guards than punters – turns out most ovva early birds iz big clektors, like Boldomir, but Lady Samal and Eliza iz already ‘ere, ‘cos she’z workin’. She takes time to cum over an’ I duz a proper intro tween her an’ Sally, like I seen the toffs doin’. Sally sees her cummin first an’ gets a bit freaked but Lady Samal iz ded nice an sez if enywun givs us grief we’z to cum strait to her.

I ask Lady Samal iffen she’z taken a look at Sally’s stone an’ she sez she’z looked at evryfing an’ she reckons it goes wiv anuvver lot. I can see she’z bizzy so I sez we’ll talk later when she’z got time.

There’s music from four Gowries at one end of the hall. I whispers to Sally that I reckon I’z gonna join Gowrie azza troobador but now in’t the time.

Most ovva lots iz on pedstals to make ‘em eezy to see (‘cos we’z not allowed to touch ‘em, not even Sally’s stone). Az we go round the lots sum ovva more bitchy toffs gets sniffy bout Sally’s dress, wot’s loose, like all we were-rats wears, case we’z gotta change quick, know what I mean? But the ladies iz wearin’ they’z frocks ded tight – looks like they’z can ‘ardly breev. I tells Sally to ignore ‘em – we’z got evry rite to be ‘ere.

I gets us sum champers an’ nibbles. (Last time I ‘ad champers woz in Lamia, but I dun’t remember much bout it cossov of gettin’ so bladdered – I’z gonna go eezy onna plonk tonite.) Sally sez the champers iz ticklin’ her noze an’ I knows wot she meanz.

Me an’ Sally checks out the lots for sale an’ Lady Samal joins us a coupla times when she azza free moment – it ain’t all that bizzy rite now, until the uvver toffs cum in later. She sez the top five fings are magic but not Sally’s stone. (Cors, Lady Samal’s amulet wunt magic till it woz, sudden-like, so you can’t be sure.)

Lot Description Valyoo Notes

50 a sandal 10s looks ded old an’ manky

32 Sally’s stone 40-60s a polishd stone wiv green kristl, sold sepratelee – goes wiv lot 2 – I dunt fink it’z worf much but Lady Samal sez they’z got it bout rite – she reckons the kristl iz in weerd angles an’ I reckon I sees wot she means

30 potter’s bowl 50-100s nuffink speshul – Lady Samal sez it ‘az wonky roons, like her amulet

28 a small blue jewl 50-100s a toe-paz, ‘sold sepratelee’ – goes wiv lot 6

23 a gold ring 150-250s weerd roons onna side but not wonky roons, more like writin’

18 pendant 300-400s gold inlaid wiv silver wiv wonky roons, like Lady Samal’s amulet

6 a silver crown 5000s solid silver with many blue toe-pazes, like lot 28

5 a pair of earrings 1500-2000s each izza pearl + power store kristl ov 2 or mebbe 3pts

4 an iron spear 2000-3000s very tatty but still iron wiv lanjets an’ 2 clips for a banner – Eliza’s gonna be biddin for this wiv munny from her Windy cult (Cers, I fink)

3 bronz bracelit 3000-4000s sez bronz but looks gold wiv graved pikturs an’ same writin’ az lot 23

2 jade bowl 4000-5000s shallow wiv pikturs ov fishes an’ water roons – looks like sumfink goes inside an’ it’z got 2 gaps for fings sorta like Sally’s stone – thissiz my fayvrit but I ain’t got 5000s

1 statuette 5000-6000s dancin’ girl inna nud ov white an’ gold stone but her hair’s green an’ ded long, down to her ankles but wrapped all round – her face givs me a bit ovva turn, like she’z reely hurtin’ – I wunt pay 5000s even if I’d got it

So it’z proper dark outside now an’ the uvver toffs are cummin in, them’s wot’s ‘ere for the soshul vent rarver than the reel clektors. I see Sieur Alphonse an’ Sieur Thomas cum in togevver, lookin’ ded dapper, tho I fink Sieur Thomas izza bit miffed he’z gotta leev hiz sword inna clokeroom. They mingles wiv the uvver toffs anna soon Sieur Alphonse iz talkin’ to anuvver Heliot, they’z larfin an jokin like they reely gets on.

Me an’ Sally stayz away from the reel posh toffs but we gets talkin’ to sum peepl wot ‘av brort lots for the Orcshun, like Sally. (Akterly I duz the talkin’ ‘cos Sally’s still a bit whelmed by everyfing an’ all the peepl in natty togs.)

Wun guy iz pretty cool; he’za Mercer called Rolf Vogler wot brort lot 49, an old waterskin wot’z bin valyood at 10-15s. He found it unner the floor ov his house when he woz havin’ work dun an’ it’z ded old, mebbe Moon Age. Turns out Rolf iz just startin’ azza Mercer an’ in’t worf a mint yet. I told him us were-rats iz always cummin cross stuff an’ if I gets anyfing needin’ floggin’ I’ll be finkin’ ovvim.

I sees Sieur Alphonse an’ Sieur Thomas iz chattin’ up the ladies but I dun’t reckon eyver ovvem pulls (an’ I fort Sieur Alphonse ‘ad his eye on Lady Samal) an’ Sieur Thomas rubs up sum toff the wrong way. (Sumwun sez Sieur Thomas sed he woz sorry that he wozzan Azraelite! Well so am I, but even I can see tellin’ him that’s just gonna get him narked, right?)

Sum Heliot toff iz chattin’ up Eliza but I ain’t sure he’z gettin’ nowhere from way she’z standin’ but I sees Sieur Alphonse an’ Lady Samal bofe makin’ frendz wiv Boldomir at different times.

Rolf tells me Boldomir azza big rival wotz called Serjedny. (Weerd name, sounds ded foreign – I means more foreign than Sophia, where a lotta names sound Windy or even Loony, az well az Sunny, know what I mean?) They woz frendz wunse but adda bad fallin’ out an’ Rolf sez sum peepl fink they’z ain’t abuv gettin’ fizzical – I means they pays uvvers to get fizzical for ‘em, ov corss.

Sudden-like all the alarms start clangin’ an’ sumwun screams by the door. Rolf sez sumwuns tripped the Wardin’! Big racket! An’ then I seez sum geezer wotz just cum in iz onna floor, ‘oldin’ hiz leg. Well I looks round for a proper healer but I dun’t see no Lucies an’ nowun’s goin’ to ‘elp him, so I goes over an’ asks if I can look at hiz leg?

He’za bit shocked, he’z wavin’ hiz gold-edged ticket an’ dun’t seem to know wots hit him. I checks out his leg an’ he’z taken quite a knock but wiv no ‘oles inniz trews. I reckon it’z Disrupshun anna big wun – reckon it’z the Wardin’ like Rolf sez.

Then two guards cum over an’ start givin’ him grief. He sez he dun’t know how he tripped the Wardin’ an’ akterly I bleevs him but the guards aren’t havin’ that an’ they picks him up an’ drags him back out to grill him inna clokeroom – I yells that if they drags him back frew the Wardin’ they might kill him but they duz it anyroad – weerd fing iz, he dun’t trip the Wardin’, wotz a releef but reel weerd ‘cos nuffinks changed in less than two minutes, az it?

Az I stands up I find Sieur Thomas ‘az cum over. We sees inna square outside a bunch of shifty types – when they sees we’z spotted ‘em they gets scarce reel quick. Now I knows that look – I’z bin onna same side too often, when we’z gettin’ grief from the porks. They wun’t no decoys, I reckons they’z hadda job an’ now they’z dun it – an’ it wun’t nuffink good, I reckon.