The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 55

In which the famous and incredibly charismatic shaman, Regal Aquila, recruits a team to save an ancestor from spiritual kidnapping…

Moonday, Disorderweek, Earthseason, 614

Stella’z cum up inna World ‘cos now she’z a Windlady ov Meltem an’ she’z bin given a load ov iron weppons. She gets a viztor at Lady Samal’s place, called Regal Aquila. First fing I fink iz that he’z a reel posh nob but akterly he’z a barbrian, a shaman ov Chief Eagle Fellah, only he’z ded gorjus – even nobbier than any nob, know wot I mean?

So it turns out he’z askin’ for vlonteers to ‘elp wiv a speshul mishun – sumfink bad’s ‘append to wun ov hiz ansesters, sumfink spiritool. He ain’t got much cash but he sez he’ll pay us in battlmajik – an he’s got Bladesharp an’ Healin’, an’ I wonts bofe of ‘em. I’z in King Rat an’ we’z ded spiritool an’ Regal’s ded krizmatic so I gotta sine up, rite?

So me, Stella, Eliza an Blen sets off for Sophia where Regal pays to put us up in a good inn – the Cocked Horse. There, we find Regal’s got a cuppl ov uvvers – a brave ov his tribe, called Redwing, an’ anuvver Humakti from Copperhed called Hassan wot speaks funny – turns out the only lingo he speaks wiv us iz Loonatic, wot I can just about get by in. He sez he’z from Bagdad, wot nun ov us haz ever herd ov. He sez a flyin’ metal palace took him to Freetown two years ago, where Regal found him.

We duz sum buskin’ in the eevnin’ an’ I’z reel good wiv me lute an’ penny whistle but Eliza’s singin’ iz better than mine – but then she always iz.

Godsday, Disorderweek, Earthseason, 614

We’z at brekfust when there’z a nock on the door – it’z a Dark Troll wot speaks Heliopolitaine, sez hiz name iz Grigori an’ he’z lookin’ for a ded krizmatic shaman called Regal – kors he’z lookin’ rite at Regal an’ nun ov us ‘av ever seen enywun more krizmatic than him so Grigori reckons he’z found ‘im – an’ he’z rite.

Lots of peepl ‘av downers on Trolls but since I met Gertrude I got nuffink gainst ‘em an’ Grigori iz ded polite – “Dunt let me intrupt you’z brekfust”. Turns out he wonts to take us to meet hiz mum wot’s a Mistress called Lady Xzaxza wot’s two dayz norf. So there’z gonna be seven ov us (not countin’ Grigori’s Trollkins) an’ three ‘orses – I’z ‘appy I’z not ridin’ like last time.

Grigori an’ Regal swop notes an’ it looks like the ansesters ov Lady Xzaxza an’ Regal ‘av bofe bin spiritooly kidnappd! Regal’s offrin a fowzand shillins wurf ov battlmajik, wot sounds good to me.

Grigori an’ hiz Trollkin sleeps out in the stables but the rest ov us get beds.

Freezeday, Harmonyweek, Earthseason, 614

We heds norf out of town. While on the way Regal calls up hiz spiritool mates – hiz spirits: Lady Machina iz a Selnite; Blacklaw iz a raven; Gnashy iz a Beaver (wot reminds me ov Robbie – I wunder if Regal can get Gnashy to find out wot’s ‘append to Robbie?) An’ there’z a Dwarf (but I dunt get hiz name); Ed Ursov iz a Bear barbrian; Florence iz a Luci Healer. An’ Regal’s fetch iz Doodoo, but he dunt show ‘imself.

Me an’ Eliza bofe try our Spiritspeech out on the spirits but they ain’t impressd, “You needs more practises” sez Florence an’ gets Regal to teach us Spiritspeech az we goes past the fields.

We dunt meet nowun, only sum farmers goin’ to Sophia. It’z nearly dusk when we gets to the crossroads where the left road goes to Uppa Morton an’ Witchiz-End, where we fort that Gorgon last year, but we ain’t goin’ that way. There’z a rooind inn at the crossroads wot woz burned by Trolls an’ we decide to camp inside where the walls can giv us cuvver.

Stella works out the watchiz – you can tell she’z a Troof worshipper ‘cos it’z ded tricky, wot Stella calls ‘rollin’ watchiz’. I gets me ratty hed on for the first wotch, wiv Hassan an’ Eliza. An hour later, Eliza turns in an’ Regal joins me an’ Hassan for the second.

Not long after that, we ‘ears sumfink movin’ inna Dark. Regal asks Florence to cast Light ova where noise woz an’ I sniffs sumfink goaty – I growls ‘Broo!’ to Regal an’ Hassan an’ we starts wakin’ peepl az Silke casts Shimmer on me.

Then I sees three Broo in the dark – all pretty big, wun haz green skin – they’z all in levvers wiv battlaxes an’ sheelds. I ‘ears Hassan cast a spell but he swears when it dunt get through. I grabs me crossbow an’ Silke casts Speedart az I shoots the biggest Broo inna leg.

But then the Broo shoot back an’ rite away we knows there’z a lot more’an three Broo – wun hits Eliza inna arm; wun plinks off Redwing’s leg; wun hits Blen in the guts but hiz armour’s tuff – two arrers zing past me ‘cos I’z hard to hit. Anuvver clangs off Stella’s foot.

Then the Light goes off an’ we sees five Grizly Broo charjin’ in! Silke casts Mobility on me. I get wun Broo, Blen’s got anuvver on me left. Then Hassan charges past on me rite to take anuvver. The uvver two Broo are rite ov Hassan, fitin’ Regal an’ Redwing. I draws me shortsword an dagger.

Blen’s Broo casts Binding on him, then they parry each uvver. I sees my Broo’s eyes flicker in the firelite – emralds! I stabs it in the guts an’ then Blen’s Broo wirls rite round wiv hiz axe, misses Blen an’ me an’ wacks my Broo inna leg! Bit ov a mistake, that, chum!

But serves me rite for gloatin’ ‘cos me sword gets tangled up in me cloves, tryin’ to parry – it’z a rite tangle!

Hassan hits his Broo in the guts an’ it sits down. Regal misses a parry an’ gets a nasty hit in the arm, wot goes limp. Redwing iz hit by Broo teef wot shoot out but dunt get frew hiz armour. Redwing hits hiz Broo in a leg an’ parries the Broo.

I sees anuvver six Broo cummin’ in. Wun looks like it mite be cummin’ my way but me sword’s still all tangled up so I casts Invisibility on him so I dunt get fitin’ two wiv no parry. It’s eyes slide off me an’ it veers toward Blen but then Stella steps tween me an Blen to take it on. Sumwun else Befuddles anuvver Broo to me left.

Blen an’ hiz Broo parry each uvver. Stella parries her Broo an’ wacks it inna hed wiv her iron axe – it’z down! I’z still tangled up so I can’t parry an’ get hit in me rite arm – ow! Hassan hits a Broo in the foot an’ again in the arm but annuver Broo cums in an’ slashes Hassan’s leg, leavin’ him hoppin’!

Wiv his arm out, Regal tries to kick hiz Broo – he misses but he parries itz axe. A toof clangs off Redwing’s arm an’ him an’ the Broo parry each uvver.

Grigori’s bin sleepin’ frew all this but at last he wakes up, jumps up from hiz blanket an’ ‘elps Eliza fite off two new Broo cummin’ at us from the back. Grigori an’ his Broo parry each uvver. Her Broo parries Eliza but it gets past her parry an’ hits her arm.

Blen hits Stella’s Broo but can’t get no wait behind his stab but he parries hiz Broo. Stella hits her Broo in the hed an’ it goes strait down! That’s two she’z put down!

I parry my Broo, wait for the rite moment an’ stab it in the hed – it’z ded! But then it bluddy divints off, takin’ them luvly emrald eyes wiv it! I looks round an’ sees anuvver Broo next to Hassan fitin’ wun ov Regal’s spirits – I’ll go for him, next.

Hassan parries his Broo an’ it duz a perfect parry on him. Regal parries his Broo an’ spears it in the hed – it’z down – I fink we’z winnin’! Redwing an’ his Broo parries each uvver.

Blen an’ Stella go help Eliza but her Broo makes a break for it but Eliza clips him. Then Grigori hits hiz Broo in the chest – it’z ded but divints away.

The Broo near Hassan fitin’ the spirit turns an’ runs but I’z Mobilised so I chases him down – he turns just in time to stop me catchin’ him from behind – we parries each uvver. Hassan an’ hiz Broo parry each uvver. A Broo parries Regal’s spear but Redwing kicks it in a leg an’ it divints away. Eliza an’ Stella Disrupt a fleeing Broo, leavin’ it hoppin’.

My Broo tries to leg it so I stabs it in the leg, leavin’ it hoppin so it can’t get away…

In the end, only wun Broo gets away wivout divintin’. Florence looks ova all the Broo an’ us an’ she reckons there ain’t no disease. We puts the priznors down by shootin’ ‘em – in case ov nasty Chaos feetures, know wot I mean? Wun jumps up after we kill it so we shoots it again. Wun haz just bled out by the time we gets round to it. We burns the bodies.

The rest ov the nite is quiet.

Waterday, Harmonyweek, Earthseason, 614

The fire’s still smokin’ at dawn. While we’z eatin’ a reely nice brekfust Eliza’s cooked us, we sees sumfink glintin’ in the ashes ov the Broo bone fire – turns out wun Broo had gold bones! They’z all melted but that’s probly a good fing if we wonts to sell ‘em. While we’z gettin’ ‘em out we find anuvver Broo had a Truestone in itz hed – I wunder if it’z got a spell in it?