The Diary of Raoul Grincheux

Part 57

In which our heroes set off on a long trek to the Moon River…

Fireday, Harmonyweek, Earthseason, 614 – evening

Back in the Reel World, Lady Xzaxza invites us for a meal this eevnin. It’z still ded cold goin’ frew the woods but at least there’z no thornghouls ‘ere an’ it’z nice an’ warm in her tent an’ her cookin’s well wurf it, know wot I mean?

Oleg iz wiv us an’ Grigori iz wiv Lady Xzaxza along wiv anuvver Troll wot she calls Yuri – parrently he ‘andls her insects wot Trolls use instead ov ponies, ‘orses an’ mules.

Lady Xzaxza sez she’z an Azraeli shaman-priestess an’ a soshiate-priestess ov Stygia. She haz Stella an’ Eliza sit next to her so they can all talk bout beekeepin’ – ‘cos Lady Xzaxza iz ded keen on insects ov all sorts, right? The food iz black pudden wot Lady Xzaxza sez iz good for Stella’s blud – an’ it tastes grate, ov cors.

After dinner, Grigori an’ Yuri go off an’ Lady Xzaxza sez we must talk bout ‘the matter in hand’ – bout our mishun wiv the spirits iz wot she means.

“We’re in rarver a tens sitooayshun tween the Trolllands an’ Moonguard.” I fort they woz always tens – evrywun knows the Trolls an’ Loonies hate each uvver. But Lady Xzaxza reckons it’z got a lot worse in the last year or two, “War may be imnent!” She finks it mite make our mishun more difcult.

Oleg finks we haz to go to a place in the Shadowlands where there’z peepl wot can giv us info but that place iz close to the Moon River. He finks we’ll be alrite if we use the Shadowlands to skip past the towns. He’z got two uses of the spell he’z bin usin’, called Shadowdoor. He sez it ain’t Shadowport, wot’z the Shadowjack spell, an’ shows us two keys, wot he sez are matrixes of Shadowdoor.

Regal agrees we goes most the way in the Reel World an’ then use the Shadowlands to skip past the towns. Eliza points out that if we kill enywun in the Shadowlands, nowun will know.

Blen asks if Roonmajik works there? Oleg sez mostly yes but sum stuff don’t – elmentals ov water an’ urf an’ fire an’ all that. (I’z no idea if King Rat spells will work – I fink they will but I won’t know till I tries castin’ ‘em – I ‘opes Commune wiv the Rat King works ‘cos if it dunt then I’z on me own, know wot I mean?)

Anyhow – there’z more trainin’ to do before we go so it’s time to hit the sack.

Moonday, Harmonyweek, Earthseason, 614

Oleg spends the day just talkin’ so him an’ Stella can get better. Oleg’s feelin’ more hizzelf by the end ov the day but Stella’s still ded pale.

Godsday, Harmonyweek, Earthseason, 614

Same aggen az yesterday. Stella stays in bed an’ feels a bit better cum eevnin.

Freezeday, Deathweek, Earthseason, 614

Oleg talkin’ wunce more but Stella sez she’z feelin’ rite az rain cum nitefall so it’ll back into the Shadowlands aggen tomorrow.

Waterday, Deathweek, Earthseason, 614

Oleg takes us back into the Shadowlands aggen. He takes us round the walls of the fort pointin’ out how it changes in the Shadowlands. He sez a few fings in the Shadowlands aren’t in the Reel World – he calls ‘em ‘future ekoes’ but sez it’z just him speculatin’. He sez we’ll see wot he means az we travels.

Then he tells Regal there’z sumfink like terrain spirits in the Shadowlands. We all knows there’z terrain spirits in the Reel World (well, we knows in King Rat, wot’s a Spirit cult) but Oleg reckons they’z difrent in the Shadowlands. Like this hill mite have it’z own terrain spirit but in the Shadowlands it’z probly got a terrain spirit cuvrin’ it an’ the land about for miles.

In the Reel World Oleg sez you can ‘commune’ wiv a terrain spirit (like wot we commune wiv King Rat) an’ it can ‘elp you move kwicker, like. Oleg finks we can do the same in the Shadowlands.

Then Oleg shows us a neat trick – he haz us look away for a moment an’ when we looks back he’z gon! So we’z all bout to start wailin’ that he’z gon an’ left us in the Shadowlands when, sudden-like, he’z back aggen – only he din’t move at all. Turns out you can use the whisps of shadders to hide in wivout even movin’! He sez a lot ov the Shadowlands kritters use it. He givs us a few pointers an’ I haz a go but it’z trickier than it looks.

Clayday, Deathweek, Earthseason, 614

Oleg sez it’z time to go. Lady Xzaxza sez she’z leevin’ too but she’ll let Oleg know if she digs up eny good info. Lady Xzaxza sez she’z dunt see wot a Troll wood want from an Eagle-Tribe spirit cept usin’ ‘im az a sors ov Power – “So wot iz they usin’ the Power for?”

Good kwestyun – I’z no idea!

Stella asks bout where we’z all goin’? Oleg sez it’z called the Shadow Cownsil an’ it’z tween Moongard an’ Sartac (wot means nuffink to me, ov cors, cept it’z a long way off). He sez it’z ‘purely ov Shadow construkshun’ – meanin’ it’z sumfink not in the Reel World at all. Oleg’s been there wunce, when they invited ‘im. But we’z gonna hav to make our own invite, like. “Win ova harts an’ minds” sez Stella an’ Oleg nods.

Regal finks we cood do wiv a piktur ov the Troll we’z lookin’ for. Oleg finks that ain’t eezy but we mite get drawins ov her box an’ the tiara. So he haz us all try drawin’ ‘em based on wot he saw in hiz Divnayshuns. Stella duz a good piktur ov the box wot Oleg sez iz ded close but nowun can get the tiara till I haz a go an’ lumme if Oleg reckons I’z got it! We can show ‘em to the Shadow Cownsil when we get there.

Oleg sez not to worry if enyfing ‘appens to him in the Shadowlands ‘cos eny ov us can atyoon his keys an’ cast the spells to get us out. Cors we’ll be stuck in the Shadowlands while we’z doin’ the atyoonin’ but we’ll probly be alrite – cept wotevver duz for him cood do the same for us, like. Merde!

So we sets off norfwest, followin’ the road. Oleg reckons it’z eight days to Freetown. We meets nuffink the first day an’ that nite we sets wotchiz. I’z on first wotch wiv Hassan; then it’z Regal an’ Redwing; then Oleg an’ Blen and then Stella an’ Eliza take the last wotch so Eliza can get brekfust goin’ cum dawn. It’s all kwyit the first nite, tho.

Windsday, Deathweek, Earthseason, 614

Nuffink ‘appens in the day an’ it’z a kwyit nite – wot’s how I likes it.

Fireday, Deathweek, Earthseason, 614

We meet nuffink an’ nowun in the day so we sets wotchiz aggen. But, just az evrywun’s gettin’ they’z heds down (cept for me an’ Hassan, ov cors) I’z doin’ a walk round the camp when I feelz the ground go out from under me feet! I jumps for it an’ makes it to firm ground but me shout gets evrywun out they’z blankets, like.

Turns out a square hole a yard wide iz opend in the chalk! It’z obvio it’s bin dug dlibrate, know wot I mean? It goes down to sum sort of room ten foot down. By this time evrywun’z gavverd round but Regal sez we shood leev it for the mornin’ but Hassan sez we dunt know wot cood climb out so we gotta look at it now.

So Regal duz that shaman-fing – he gets Doodoo to look after hiz body while Regal sends hiz spirit down the shaft. Then a few minits later he’z back in his body.

He sez there’z a passij at the bottom an’ a spirit came out an’ talkd to him. She woz Martha an’ she sed sumfink attackd her ‘ouse an’ her old man told her to cum down there an’ she dunt know wot ‘append after that. Well Regal broke it to her jently that she woz a gonna an’ then he sent her off to the Matari afterlife wiv Free Ghost (I’z got that spell, only mine’z not reusable, ov cors). I looks round an’ I dunt see no ‘ouse so I reckon she’d bin down there a long time, like.

We gotta search the hole so I climbs down wiv Hassan, Stella an’ Oleg – it’z an eezy climb. In the passij we finds a skelton wot must be Martha’s – I reckon she woz braind wiv a club to the hed. Stella spots a ring on her finger an’ takes it, then Hassan haz us bury her proper, even tho her spirit’s alreddy gon.

There’z two rooms off the passij, bofe filld wiv rotten bits ov sackin’ an’ broke boxes. But then I pulls out a loose brick to find a levver bag wiv two Moons an’ twenny shillins.

We climbs out. Regal reckons the ring ain’t majik an’ it ain’t wurf much.

Sumhow, before evrywun goes back to they’z blankets, sumwun menshuns our Truestone an’ Oleg casts a use ov his Shadowdoor spell into it so we won’t ‘av to atyoon hiz keys to get out the Shadowlands if he cops it.

Moonday, Deathweek, Earthseason, 614

This afternoon Hassan spots a Dragonewt cummin’ long the road our way. This iz the first wun I’z seen since leevin’ Heliopolis. It’z kind ov small wiv wings, so it must be wun ov the messenger type Newts, like. Hassan calls out when it gets close an’ it sez in Loonytic, “I’z a travlin’ message!” Dunno why it ain’t flyin’ then.

It asks if it’z safe where we’z cum from an’ we sez we ain’t seen nowun. Stella asks wot it’z like up ahed an’ the Newt sez a merchant sez there’z bandits.

Two hours later we sets camp. Just like last nite, sumfink ‘appens just when evrywun’s gettin’ they’z heds down but this time it’z a bunch of deer cum down to drink from the stream. Stella points out the biggest an’ we all draws a bead an’ let fly…

It never stood a chance – I fink we all hits it, it drops an’ the rest scatter into the woods. Sumwun casts Coordnayshun on me an’ I butchers it – not a grate job but we’ll be eatin’ venson for the next cuppl ov days.

Godsday, Deathweek, Earthseason, 614

We meet nuffink an’ it’z a kwyit nite.

Freezeday, Fertilityweek, Earthseason, 614

Nice an kwyit all day an all nite.

Waterday, Fertilityweek, Earthseason, 614

Same az yesterday.

Clayday, Fertilityweek, Earthseason, 614

After lunch, we’z bout to get goin’ aggen when we all ‘ears sumfink loud movin’ – Blen sez it’z makin’ a suckin’ sound!!! Then I spots sumfink wavin’ an’ sees it’z a dragonsnail! It’z got two heds an’ a lion’s tail. It looks kinda ‘armless but you never can tell – Bluddy Chaos!

Silke casts Shimmer on me ‘cos it probly breevs fire or sumfink worse, know wot I mean? I casts Speedart az I cocks me crossbow. Eliza casts Disrupt an’ reckons she gets it but I miss wiv me bow – I mean, what? It’z only the size ov a house an’ I’z got Speedart an’ all!

It looks hard at Eliza but I dunt know wot that’s about. Blen throws a dagger wot bounces off itz shell. I draws me sword an’ dagger and me, Hassan, Eliza an’ Stella take it on. Hassan’s a reel gent an’ casts Bladesharp on me dagger.

The snail bites at Stella but she blocks it wiv her shield. Then it looks ‘ard at me but I ducks out the way. Me an’ Blen stab wun hed an’ Stella twonks the uvver an’ it’z ded! Good riddants!

Wun ov Regal’s spirits detects no majik; hiz Dwarf spirit, Basalt Scargill, detects no gems. I’z glad to leev it behind ‘cos it’z alreddy startin’ to rot – theez Chaos kritters goes ded slimy ded kwik – nasty!

Hours later, we sets camp an’ haz a kwyit nite.

Windsday, Fertilityweek, Earthseason, 614

We haz a good brekfust – last ov the venson, yummy! Oleg sez we’z goin’ into the Shadowlands today to dodj past Freetown so he opens hiz Shadowdoor an’ we all goes frew into the greyness – I reckon the Shadowlands cood reely get you down if you woz ‘ere a lot, know wot I mean?

Oleg tells Regal to get the terrain spirit to talk to him so he can commune wiv it – I kind ov feel wot he’z doin’ – well we iz a Spirit cult, right? A few minits later Regal sez he’z got it to ‘elp us on our way – parrently we’z got to foller the sparkles – an’ I sees wot he means tho it’z ‘ard to make ‘em out in all the grey.

So we follers the path for hours when we sees bildins loomin’ out the mists – it’z a sort ov hut, in fact there’z a line ov huts each side the path. Funny fing iz, they dunt look all wreckd, they looks like they woz bilt yesterday!

Then we sees a big bildin’ on the right, wot wiv a hitchin’ post an’ sign outside, looks just like a villaj pub – I can even reed the sign, it sez ‘The Farmer’s Armz’. There’z a big bare patch in frunt wot looks like a villaj green – only it’z all grey ov cors. In the near corner ov the green iz a well an’ in the far corner iz a pile ov rocks.

Regal sez he knows this place, Littl Mudwitch, he sez, an’ he reckons that pile ov rocks shood be a statyoo. We can see anuvver big ‘ouse ahed to the left wot looks more rooind than most ov theez. That an’ the pile ov rocks looks just like the Shadowlands but the rest seems brand new!

There’z no sign ov life but the uvvers says theez ded small footprints iz all ova the place. I can smell sumfink like shrooms…

Regal sez we shood just walk frew but I just knows we’z bout to get jumped so I reaches for me sword an’ dagger – I’z finkin’ ov Ironhand an’ Silke’s finkin’ bout Shimmer. I gets me ratty hed on.